My 'Through the Door' interview - John Duigan

My 'Through the Door' interview

I just revisited this again, 15 months after I made the break with the cult. It marks the exact day I left, I wrote this in the Scientologists house I was living in Birmingham, then I wiped the hard disk, packed my bags and left Scientology forever.

I thought I would post it here for the benefit of any Scientology lurkers.

Note: On the original - interview 139 - I changed my identity and location due to anxiety about the reach of the OSA trolls, however, I am changing this back to the actual locations for this thread here:

Sunday, 25th June, 2006 08:02:49pm

Name or Alias: John Anchovie
Training and/or processing level: Grades, KTL/LOC, Exec statuses etc
Org or location: SMI Int, CMU INT, CLO UK, Incomm, Fin Off etc, etc
Time involved in the Church of Scientology: 20 years
Recommended Website - ESMB

1. How did you first become acquainted with the Church of Scientology?

Body routed by a seriously attractive busty girl, while I was mildly stoned. I liked the feel of the - Mission -


2. What initially appealed to you about scientology?

Because I had been on a rather long binge of bourbon and hash, in attempt to mask some psychological trauma, I had become rather introverted; I was vulnerable, easy pickings. I felt there was an opportunity to get out of the downward spin that I seemed to be locked into. It was a very rough time of my life. On taking the OCA, while I really did not grasp it at all, it looked logical and appeared that a valid therapy was on offer. So I went for it.


3. Were there problems in your life that you thought scientology would address?

Very much as above, I was breaking up with my partner and taking a lot of drugs and alcohol, Scientology seemed like a born again option, a chance to leave all this behind. It also gave me a group of people that really badly needed people, so one would tend to get more validation than one possibly warranted. This served to build up my self-esteem for sure. I needed a group, I was living in foreign country among a people that were not my own and due to a severe childhood trauma - my parents died when I was ten years old, needed a father figure. I only wish that proper psychotherapy was available to me.


4. Did you see, experience, or hear about things that didn't seem right while you were in the Church of Scientology? What were they, and what convinced you to set aside your feelings?

This is a very big question for me. I have just quit after 20 years in the SO, and at this moment in time as I view my past, against latent knowledge, it is all very wrong indeed. Not in any sinister way. Imagine having your view of a piece of artwork zoomed in to about 6 pixels on a screen, yes some pixels may look funny, but until you can zoom all the way out, you don't know what it is you are looking at. Last IAS event, I listened to all the pr blurbs again and I was expecting a major win for the church, a major release or something. But we got more news about more public having bought David Miscavitch expensive properties in prime locations, and a further admonition from COB to get back down in the trenches because we have to wipe out psychiatry THIS YEAR! Tom Cruise ranting and swearing and saluting, I was not impressed. I got bad dose of the flu the next day, and realised that I was being taken for a ride. I saw the whole picture.

Compared to the real world, in the Sea Org you are treated very poorly. The pay sums are idiotic, the hours are insane and the expectancy from the cult is nothing short of ridiculous. Yet we do it without question. I was in a unique position, I had carved out a niche for myself and was well trusted, a fast student, a hard, causative worker; most importantly I did not go along with or put up with any bull. Having gone through a horrendous situation five years earlier dealing with a legal case - Andrea Catt legal settlement Bournemouth in 2000 - I was deeply angry with church management, and this was known.

It was also known that since that time I had a no holds barred reaction to church pr bull and I would blow up when confronted with abject executive stupidity. This backed off senior stupid orders from exec type people from me; yet I was trusted because I looked after people in senior positions and always delivered on my promises. I had strong self determinism and got good things done. In other words I was not PTS to DM. I did my job with flare and took my own time out.

But I watched the overall scene, and it was not good. Staff, public and Sea Org life was incredibly stressful; Staff were getting ill a lot, especially senior execs, CMO and EC members; four Sea Org people died of cancer within a short space of time. We were not a big cross section of society and the numbers seemed too high. I was promoted to Finance and placed on secondment to an outer org. Here I did just fine too! Why? I realised it is because I don't buy the church pr. I just don't believe a word of it. I carried out my own surveys of the population in Birmingham, and the results showed that people thought Scientology was nuts. Boy I got stuff done! Good stuff for my org. Deep down I knew that I was involved in a major con. I know, because I had to raise almost a million bucks on top of normal income in a few short months, and saw and experienced the constant, crushing and suppressive pressure from management to make this money on a small but dedicated team in a mission. Good bright able intelligent people.

From my perspective Management did not give a toss who was crushed and destroyed - staff I mean, not the enemy - to make this target. I really started asking questions, and then began shouting back. That was five years ago. I am walking out the door at this writing. Over the past four years I saw bad things, I tended to jump in and handle stuff that really got on my goat, like the treatment of kids, neglect really. No one including the parents had time for them; the couple who did make the time had to do so through superhuman effort – they worked in the OSA pr Office in Brussels, their lovely daughter, Virgine, was in the Cadet org Saint Hill, with restriction on libs, and no pay, they had to take in turns to get to SH once a month to spand a weekend with their eight year old child.

I started teaching in the school because of that, I wanted to give the kids some space and opened up opportunities for them to see more of life than mopping floors. - This is a horrible truth, a sunny Sunday morning, 7, 8 and nine year old children being made to mop floors and do lower conditions. It just isn’t on man, just isn’t on. That’s still going on today, and I think we are allowing something bad to happen here. It was kr'd, but so what? No one did anything, was 'not a priority', there was no ‘stats’ in it. Parents and execs over the area too busy clearing the planet to worry about the real future, children.

Birmingham org, before CMO and CLO staffs were sent to work full time in London Org, (Yes, all of CLO and CMO were shipped down in shifts to man the org, there were only about ten actual staff there, I think this is still the case, aside from the whle OT field in EG being bludgoned to volunteer - was the most established and stable org in UK. It had – and probably still has a total active field of about 40 people. A new OT 4, he just borrowed 24,000 to pay for that and OT 5- was a caved in mess when he got back as an OT completion. A new OT III was about as effective as a road sweeper, an OT V a quavering wreck. Makes you think does it not? Golden age of tech and all.


5. Why did you choose to stay in the Church of Scientology?

I had dedicated, invested, twenty years of life into this con; I was actually filled with the negative false data from Hubbard and church black pr on the society around us. I did not like the picture that was painted by Hubbard. While I had acquired a lot of real skills in the SO, they were not actually tranferable, I was fortytwo, had no qualifications, no degrees, nothing useful to the real world. This backed me off, it really did.

SO people are kept very ignorant indeed. Just try and do a real doubt formula, I mean really, per the book, as a Sea Org or Scn staffer. You can’t, because to to a REAL doubt formula, you would have to search xenu, factnet, read the Barefaced Messiah and so , but you can't do that in Scn can you? You are not allowed to read entheta material. Clever old Hubbard. Your doubt condition is pretty much a foregone conclusion is it not? I have now really done this formula, and with intelligent evaluation of the well written and thoughtful postings on various critical web sites, this result is also a foregone conclusion; One has to face up to the fact that Scientology is a con job, and boy, what a con job it is.


6. Were you staff or public? If staff, was it at a mission or an org? Were you ever in the Sea Org or OSA? Which unit? If not on staff, did you ever volunteer to 'help out'?

Sea Org. Up at SMI Int.CMU Int, Incomm. Int Fin. CLO UK, two years on garrison in Zimbabwe, Australia, Canada, Italy and Denemark. Then Base Crew and more recently at Cont Fin level, posted as D/FBO MORE Birmingham.


7. Why did you leave the Church of Scientology? Was there a "final straw"?

As described above, you can extrapolate the process from the prior paragraphs. I put myself in a unique and possibly privileged position because I know the game. Being on secondment gave me a great degree of autonomy, and while I have used it to empower my org, I also began working with community and educational leaders. Working with these ‘wogs’ opened my eyes; they are smart, hardworking, well paid, good hearted people. I went pretty high up in the Birmingham City management, worked with the Education ministry, community welfare, Members of Parliament. I did not meet the evil people Ron seemed to think populated all levels of government. Once you begin to see the chink in the internal pr armour, the whole lot collapses. And because I have access to internet and because I am reasonably well read, I was able to draw parallels, come to conclusions and generally false data strip myself of both Hubbard's and the Church's pr and lies. I have been setting myself up to jump for some time and have ensured that I have a positive, socially responsible and personally fulfilling future ahead of me outside the cult. I hate being lied to, and told Hubbard (in a mocked up conversation you understand) at one point, that if I found out he was a con, I would *****ng kill him, or work to destroy his apparent repute. I am onto that task now, am I not?


8. Do you think the Church of Scientology needs to change some of its practices? If so, what should be changed? How did those practices affect your life?

The church is a false construct from the word go. It cannot 'reform' because it’s very essence is a lie and a false construct of some magnitude. I hate to say it, but it factually should not be allowed to exist. Consider that it is a known truth in psychology that patients in asylums will often at middle-age just 'snap out of it' and become sane, this is an interesting phenomenon. Consider that a person as he matures and his endocrines, hormones and so on balance out - for perfectly legitimate genetic survival reasons - he becomes more cerebral, less abreactive, less emotionally motivated, more rational. Look at the middle-aged professors in College; they are not like that just from reading wise texts. They were wild young tearaways when they started college and are now mature, balanced and intellectually proficient. I have experienced this and seen it in others, I never did the OT levels, my grades were done in the late eighties and early 90’s. One often wrongly assigns one’s gain to Hubbard, when it is in fact a natural process called ‘growing up’. Aberrations in this process should NOT be dealt with by an un-researched quick buck cracker-barrel psychology construct like Scientology is; it should be dealt with by well researched and documented psychology.


9. If the items you listed in the previous question were changed, would you consider rejoining or staying in the Church of Scientology? If so, why?

Of course not, the OT III through VIII material is laughable garbage. Blatantly Science fiction and a rush job at that, as Hubbard 'had to have something else to sell his devotees’. My god, read 'My Life in Orange' by an ex Bhagwan Raneshi Tim Guest, and you will see what I mean. No way, this is really a con job of some magnitude.


10. Any additional comments you would like to make?

Look, if you are going through doubt on the subject, then for gods’ sake do your research. Don't just read Clambake; read philosophy, read Beevor, Anthony that is, read Solzhenitsyn; the First Circle makes particularly insightful reading. Many Scientologists are hugely bright and intelligent; most gulag detainees were the upper crust of Russia's intellectual elite. Read Chomsky, Fromm, Pilger and Danziger and anything else you can get in that vein. Mostly you, like I did, just buy Hubbard’s sweeping generalities, don't. He was taking out of his hat. Read Locke, even in 1690, there were some brilliant analytical philosophers. He taught me to strip away verbiage and get to the core of the matter.

Educate yourself. Read about other cults and cons like Bhagwan. Yes they had a bunch of new age psychology to apply, tantric sex and reflexologists, and a lot of very naive, lost and drifting souls, who grabbed onto a guru who promised them something unattainable. Scientology is exactly that. I am not religious, I am in fact an atheist, but it is possible that some young men and women need religion, maybe it is part of the process of growth and maturing. People my age seem to shed the need and become self sufficient. This is a question I am looking into, and maybe I will try to empower the traditional churches as a safe bet for young people, moderate Mosques, Gudwaras, temples and Christianity may have a place in the future, after all it is the fact that traditional religion dropped the ball that then allowed these cults to flourish. But just do this: Stop lying to yourself, your personal integrity is worth more than your crippled life in Scientology, be a man or a woman, look, don't listen, compare Scientology to, and its quality of life, to the real world, ask yourself how it is that a Science Fiction story could rule your very life. Are you being fucked with? I was.

Love to you all, I hope my dear friends in CLO, CMO and of course Birmingham org get a chance to read this, they are good people, they don't deserve to be deluded and enslaved.

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