My Doubt Formula - Michael Tilse

My Doubt Formula

19 April 2003 by Michael Tilse

I have had my troubles over the years and I need you to read this sincere statement of opinion and belief written with trust in the creed of the Church and the philosophy written by L. Ron Hubbard:

I have been frozen in the midst of an uncertainty since the early 1990s. This acute doubt came about because I thought I had observed within the Church of Scientology a refusal to apply standard policies about justice that were written by the author L. Ron Hubbard. These observations occurred during an effort to put ethics in on a former employer and Church member who committed a crime and suppressive act against me. These events seemed so contrary to what I had studied when I was in the Sea Org and on various courses composed of L. Ron Hubbard’s policy writings that I became despondent and upset.

Being in this doubt condition I sought answers to how these things could have occurred and answers to questions about other events related to L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology that did not make sense to me.

I tried to resolve these questions and my condition of doubt over the years and I paid for and received over 25 intensives of Sec Checks, FPRD and PTS Rundown counseling at AOLA in trying handle any personal issues that were making it persist. I was also trying to get onto L. Ron Hubbard’s advanced counseling levels.

I have come to realize that I have never actually resolved the doubt condition and that all my Church counseling and training, including much of the KTL and Life Orientation Courses, was done while I was in an unhandled lower condition of doubt despite myself having tried sincerely to find out the answers. So I have addressed it.

In accord with working my way through the condition formula to resolve this, as L. Ron Hubbard set it down, I now have to inform both sides of my decision. Since my behavior over the years may have caused you upset or concern, out of my care for you I have to put it here in writing.

The first thing I must tell you is that I have decided who my friends are: My friends are any and all those who care for and love people and who sincerely act to help and support themselves and others. These are people of good will. These friends include many who study the applied philosophy written by the man L. Ron Hubbard and many who do not. My friends have good intentions toward other people and this results in their honesty, willingness to communicate, willingness to look for truth,a sense of fair play, a sense of right and wrong and a sense of justice. By my own personal creed, I truly wish you well. And I wish to continue communication with you, my friends.

I have had over 27 years of association with the philosophy written by the man L. Ron Hubbard. He called it Scientology and said it was an applied religious philosophy. Since October 1975 I have studied various aspects of this philosophy and tried to understand its nature and apply its lessons to my life. During that time I have had some significant positive experiences and life changing results from this study and application. During that time I have also applied this philosophy to others with happy results both for them and myself. I trust these experiences and results and I intend to continue with my study and application of this philosophy.

I have taken to heart many aspects of L. Ron Hubbard’s Scientology philosophy. One aspect of this is that he said Truth is the exact time place form and event. A lie is an alteration or omission of the exact time place form and event. Another part I have taken as my own is that L. Ron Hubbard insisted that only his original writings compose the Scientology philosophy and that altered versions of his writings or the writings of others issued under his name must not be done and in fact must be rooted out and destroyed. That the sacred duty of every person who sets out to follow Hubbard’s philosophy is to make sure these writings are kept pure and unaltered.

From my personal acceptance of this philosophy I have applied the doubt formula to things I have been able to observe for myself.

The doubt I experienced was caused by individuals at six levels of the Church of Scientology structure refusing to apply the justice policies written by L. Ron Hubbard. One or two could have been explained as individual out-ethics. I could not believe that it would occur all the way up to RTC unless something was seriously wrong.

Such a possibility set up an extreme conflict within me. If such a simple thing as standard justice actions were being rejected, then perhaps it was only an indicator of far greater out-ethics, perhaps at the International or RTC level. Yet this was the Church I had been in for many years, had supported and that I hoped would deliver me onto my advanced counseling.

The actual activity of Bill Goode, AOLA, LA WISE Charter Committee, WISE INT, International Justice Chief for Reports and Reports Officer Religious Technology Center in my case was to refuse to apply L. Ron Hubbard’s justice policy letters. This was contrary to the written statements of the purpose of these organizations.

Further observation of intention and activities occurred when I wrote up questions I had about the events surrounding L. Ron Hubbard’s death. I had been in the audience at the Hollywood Palladium in January 1986 when David Miscavige of the RTC announced L. Ron Hubbard’s death. He said that L. Ron Hubbard had been in excellent health before his death, that he had gone as far in his philosophical researches as he could with a body and that he had walked over to his bed, lay down and discarded the body so he could do further research without it. Other things were said by Pat Broker, LRH’s aide at the time of his death and he was not contradicted by David Miscavige. Others also spoke, creating the impression through specific statements that LRH had gone on to higher spiritual levels and had left the church in the hands of Pat Broker and Annie Broker and David Miscavige. There was an issue of KSW news that came out shortly after this event which put many of these statements in writing for Scientologists. It included an image of the supposed Flag Order LRH wrote.

Then later I read an issue from David Miscavige which discredited Pat Broker as having been involved in out-ethics and which canceled the purported last Flag Order LRH wrote that appointed Pat and Annie Broker “Loyal Officers”. This raised questions in my mind because whereas before I had been somewhat comfortable with the explanations given at the Palladium event in 1986, I felt that I didn’t know what was true and what was false now that Pat Broker had been discredited. For a long time I had suppressed this uncertainty, but the other events described above awakened this problem in me and I felt I had to resolve it if I was to be honest and straight and fully committed to progress in Scientology. I was back on the LOC in March 1997 when I wrote this:

*Begin letter*

Norman Starkey,
Trustee, LRH Estate
Care of: Author Services International
1710 Ivar Street
Hollywood, CA 90028

Dear Mr. Starkey,

I would like to introduce myself to you. My name is Michael Leonard Tilse. I have been a Scientologist since October 1975. My case state is Clear and I am a Sponsor of the IAS. I am currently on the Hubbard Life Orientation Course at the Advanced Organization Los Angeles.

While doing the Repair of Past Ethics Conditions on my first dynamic, I have realized that I have some questions that I need to get answered regarding Ron's passing. I have had these questions for a while and by not getting them answered I have had a barrier to my own progress up the bridge.

Some of my attention has stuck in this area and I have also been afraid to address my questions to anyone in the Church for fear that I would be considered disaffected. So it has created a problem for me. But as I am sure you understand, the LOC has a way of ensuring the confront of problems heretofore studiously avoided.

I discussed my need to clear up these questions for myself with my course supervisor, David Berman. He suggested that you would be the person who could best answer my questions or direct me to the correct publications. Hence this letter. It would help me greatly if you would assist me in getting this resolved.

The essential reason I have these questions is that the existing account, (That I am aware of.), of Ron's passing does not make complete sense to me. I was at the event held on January 26,1986 at the Palladium in Hollywood where Ron's passing was announced. David Miscavige, yourself, Mr. Cooley and Pat and Annie Broker spoke there, among others. Shortly thereafter there was an issue of KSW News, (If I recall correctly.), which covered what was presented at the event, including the "Admiral" Flag Order. I also attended an event at LA Org. where Jeannie Bogvad spoke, giving some more information.

It was my understanding from these events that Ron had deliberately departed this life at 8:00pm on January 24, 1986. It was made clear, at least to me, that he knew he was going and planned to go and did so at a specific time. It was also clear that it was not because of illness or accident, but because he had to go to continue his research that could not be done while holding onto a mest body.

Some time after that, the "Admiral" Flag Order was withdrawn or canceled and there was an issue of some kind that Pat Broker had been involved in an unethical situation. This gives rise to my first question:

1. If the "Admiral" Flag Order was written by Pat Broker to aggrandize himself, and not written by Ron, then to my knowledge Ron did not write or speak any direct communication to Scientologists coincident with the time of his passing. This is just impossible for me to believe. One thing that I observed about Ron is that he was always in communication with Scientologists. I just cannot understand that if he knew he would be going, why he would not have issued a "Ron's Journal" or a written message for all Scientologists that assisted us to understand. Such a communication would be in his writing or in his voice so that there would be no doubt. So these two datum don't align: Ron knowing he was leaving and doing it at cause and deliberately and there being no personal message from him for Scientologists.

To my understanding, two things could be the case here: There WAS a communication from Ron at the time of his passing, but I missed it somehow or there was no communication because something happened other than what has been reported. So I need to be directed to that communication if it exists and I need to know the actual events and circumstances. My other questions involve what I need to know about the actual events and circumstances given that what Pat Broker presented is evidently not true.

2. The specifics of Ron's passing:
A. When was the first communication that Ron was dying or going to leave?
i. This would be the specific comm that indicated his passing would occur within hours days or weeks, not his general messages as to him not always being here on guard and the like.
ii. What was the communication?
iii. Who was it directed to and what happened then?
B. Where was he when he died?
C. What was the exact time of his death?
D. What was the actual cause of his death as listed on the death certificate?
E. Did his body fail or did he deliberately leave?
F. Who was physically there with him at the time he died?
G. Were others called by Ron to be there with him at the time he died?
i. Who was called?
ii. How long before he died were they called?
H. How long before he died did he indicate he knew that he was going to leave January 24, 1986?
I. Who signed the death certificate?
J. Why was there no autopsy?
K. Were you there at the time of his death?
L. Did he leave any personal message for his family in the hours or days before his death?
M. Is there any possibility that Ron was murdered?
N. Is there anything about the circumstances of Ron's death that is or would be embarrassing to the Church?
O. Is there anything about the circumstances of Ron's death that is in conflict with the public record and position of the Church or Ron's writings?

I have further questions that are specific to what Pat Broker and Ray Mithoff said at the Palladium event.

3. Questions related to Pat Broker's presentation.
A. What was true and what was false about Pat Broker's comments?
B. What was the out-ethics situation that Pat Broker was involved in?
C. Was the presentation of the supposed OT X "date" true or a fabrication by him?
D. What about the supposed "leaving the body" instructions of OT XV?
E. Was Pat Broker a "plant"?
F. How was it that Pat Broker was believed about the "Admiral" F.O. and the other things he said until after the event?

4. Related to LRH's materials.
A. Given that Pat Broker was supposedly not authorized to access LRH's materials, did he do anything to harm them or alter them or destroy them?
B. Are we sure that ALL of LRH's OT materials were recovered?
C. Who has custody of LRH's upper OT materials and research now?
D. Is it evident from the materials we have that they are complete? How would we know if they are not?
E. Did Pat Broker or other persons make or receive originals or copies of LRH's materials?

5. Misc. questions.
A. I have seen no photos of Ron from 1985 or 1986.
i. Are there pictures of Ron toward the end of his life, at the Creston ranch?
ii. Why haven't they been published?
iii. Did he look strange or different or very old?
B. Will photos from this time of Ron's life ever be published?
C. Was "Excalibur" ever recovered intact? Will it ever be published?
D. Where can I get the true story of what happened to Quentin Hubbard?

As you can probably tell, the whole thing with Pat Broker has brought up a lot of questions with me, which I have not been able to answer. While I understand the theological- Scientological truth that Ron had finished his work and moved on, that does not replace for me the desire to know the exact facts of his passing.

I hope you will take this letter and the questions in it in the sincere manner that I am offering it. Having had these questions for 10 years and feeling that I haven't been told what really happened nor that I can even seek to find out without being thought less of, I have come to the point where I have to get the answers so I can move onward in life and up the Bridge. I would really appreciate your help.
Love,
Michael Leonard Tilse
Student, AOLA - Sponsor IAS

*End letter*

You reading this may feel that I was being disrespectful. Yet I felt then and feel now that the death of L. Ron Hubbard is an event comparable to the death of Buddha or Jesus Christ and the actual truth of it, the actual Time, Place Form and Event MUST be known and not become a myth or legend. Truth is the truth. I also felt that honest and candid answers to these questions would go a long way toward restoring my confidence in the Church Management, so shaken by the other events I had experienced.

The only response I have ever received from the Church in answer to these questions, despite having submitted them on the proper lines and 4 to 5 other times to Ethics, C/Ss and several orgs, is when the very nervous LRH Host AOLA, Heather, told me LRH had died of natural causes. She would give me no other information.

Shortly after I sent this letter, I was ordered to Sec Checks at AOLA.

These questions came from my own thought, my own attempts to understand Hubbard’s death and events in the Church. They did not come from someone else, or from something I had read. The 10 intensives of Sec Checks I received from Felix Hackenberg at AOLA proved that I had no evil intentions in asking them nor had I been implanted this lifetime nor was I a “plant” in the Church. The questions were asked sincerely to resolve problems *I* was having, not to be destructive of the Church. At the end of the Sec Checks, I still wanted the actual true answers to these questions.

Since I had never received any actual responsive answer since 1997 when I first submitted it, in January 2003 I began to search for the answers to the above questions. In nearly 6 years, despite repeated requests, no answers had come from the Church.

I have given a lot of thought to what I now have to tell you. Finally, I decided that no matter how mad or upset you might be with me because of this communication, as a true friend I must tell you now, rather than have you upset and mad at me in the future for not telling now.

I found on the Internet World Wide Web scanned images and typed text that purported to be the death certificate and the coroner’s investigation report and the results of the toxicology screen of LRH’s blood taken from his body after his death.

I found these documents very disturbing. In fact, if these were true, then David Miscavige and Pat Broker and Ray Mithoff and the others had blatantly LIED to me at the Palladium event in January 1986. LRH’s death was not at all what they had described. And within the contents of these documents were very suspicious events.

I felt that I had to verify for myself the veracity of these specific documents. In February 2003 I traveled to San Luis Obispo California and visited the County Clerk’s office. There I viewed and received a certified copy of the Death Certificate of Lafayette Ronald Hubbard.

I then traveled to the Sheriff’s department of San Luis Obispo County and went to the Detective and Coroner’s department. The Detectives also do Coroner’s investigations. I received copies from their own files of the 1986 Coroner’s investigation and the toxicology report that related to LRH’s death.

They were better copies than what I had found on the web, but were otherwise the same documents.

This shocking information caused me to seek other information. Since it is second hand, I will not share it but it consists of various transcripts of testimony and depositions under oath in various court cases, including challenges to LRH’s will and trust documents brought by hundreds of former Scientologists. Had I known the contents of the documents in 1986 I believe I would myself have joined such lawsuits. It is reported that the Church of Scientology settled these suits by paying out millions and millions of dollars and getting in return “gag agreements” that prevent those who it paid money to from saying anything about the issues in the suits.

It is now quite clear to me by the Church’s subsequent behavior that by asking Mr. Starkey my questions I missed many large withholds. The events that occurred at Ron’s death were concealed from Scientologists and even the Coroner’s investigator appears to have been misdirected about the content of the Will LRH supposedly signed about seven days after the stroke and the day before he died.

Other information I have found is very disturbing: Books authored by L. Ron Hubbard and now being published supposedly as “new editions” by L. Ron Hubbard Library have been altered from the original text. In some cases, entire chapters are deleted and others added. In most cases various wording is being changed or paragraphs deleted. There are many many reports of changes to tapes and tape transcripts. Deletions and alterations in word sequence are examples. These changes can only be detected by listening word for word and comparing the original reel-to-reel tapes with the newly issued versions.

You are familiar with the revisions being made to HCOBs even 14 or more years after LRH’s death. This ongoing changing of the technology does not seem correct to me.

Some folks may say that by looking at information on the internet I expose myself to entheta and risk ruining my case with upper level material. I would have to agree that there is some risk. However I have no interest in reading the supposed “upper level material” until I am ready and I can discover for myself if the Church is off the rails just by obtaining publicly available documents such as the coroner’s report and death certificate and realizing I was lied to.

And I have verified for myself that alterations are being made to the actual writings of L. Ron Hubbard.

In just the 1998 edition of “Introduction to Scientology Ethics” authored by the “L. Ron Hubbard Library”,

(“L. Ron Hubbard Library is also known as “Church of Spiritual Technology”, which was founded in 1982 by one “scientologist”, two tax attorneys and Meade Emory, a former assistant commissioner of the IRS. In 1982 when CST was founded, the IRS was still named a suppressive group. Meade Emory, a founder, was a former member of the IRS and per HCOPL 29 June 1968, “Enrollment in Suppressive Groups”, “Such persons may not be employed by orgs or offices and if found employed in any center that mission charter will be canceled”. How can it be then that he founded what is now the highest level organization, even above RTC, in Scientology?),

In 1 hour of examination I have discovered the deletion of two LRH essays, (that are in the 1974 edition),”The purpose of Ethics” and “Safeguarding Technology” and the addition of over 480 words to the essay “Rewards and Penalties”.

In the 1988 Edition of “A New Slant On Life” (Authored by the L. Ron Hubbard Library”) I compared against the 1975 printing of “Scientology A New Slant On Life” by L. Ron Hubbard, I find that the following nine chapters are omitted: “The Reason Why”; “The Conditions of Existence”; “Myths of the Mind”; “The Man Who Succeeds”; “On the Death of Consciousness”; “Accent on Ability”; “Freedom vs. Entrapment”; “The Human Mind”; and “Communication”. There were also twelve other chapters added. This is alteration and deletion on a large scale. Even though the added chapters seem to be from L. Ron Hubbard’s other writings this is still major alteration. And deletion can not be justified.

There is much, much more to all this. What I have put down here is only a tiny bit of the picture. There are many long time members, highly trained and audited, and former top executives who are exposing the exact time place form and event of these FACTS. I am fully willing to speak to anyone on what I know and where to look. In fact, the prohibition of LOOKING, fear of being expelled, of losing the “upper levels” kept me from finding out what I had to know for many years. Prohibition of communication is a kind of implant.

Because I now know that even the so called “tech” being delivered by the so called “Scientology Religion” is not the actual pure and unaltered writings of L. Ron Hubbard I can tell you that the “Scientology Religion” is not the Scientology applied religious philosophy L. Ron Hubbard authored. I was cleverly defrauded by wording designed to confuse me into believing they are the same thing. They are not the same. Look for the words “Based on the works of L. Ron Hubbard”. That is not the same as the words: “By L. Ron Hubbard.” Because of this fraud, any and all documents, bonds, agreements or waivers that I may have agreed or signed with regard to any aspect of the Church of Scientology, the “Scientology Religion” or any associated group were obtained by fraud and are thus invalid.

ALL the monies I paid into these so called “Scientology” organizations or the International Association of Scientologists were given by me only because I was led to believe I was supporting, protecting and paying for pure and unaltered Scientology applied religious philosophy as authored by L. Ron Hubbard and that these organizations were ethical and legitimate in all their aspects. All these monies were obtained by fraud because NONE of these organizations has delivered pure and unaltered Scientology applied religious philosophy nor are all their activities ethical or even legal. Further, the various organizations of the “Scientology Religion” are deeply involved in numerous lawsuits and trials around the world due to the criminal and unethical acts of their own members, staff and executives. And IAS monies are being used to pay to defend the perpetrators of these crimes.

So I have had to make that distinction. The “Scientology Religion” composed of Orgs, Missions, Advanced Orgs, Flag, the Freewinds ship, RTC, Church of Spiritual Technology, etc., is NOT composed of and is NOT FORWARDING the pure and unaltered Scientology applied religious philosophy as authored by L. Ron Hubbard. They are doing something else.

All this has shaken my stable data of the “Church”. My new stable data is the writings and editions and tapes issued as authored by Ron before he died.

I’m sorry that this may all be upsetting. It probably is. But I have to tell you all this so I am honest and straight with you.

I also urge you to not take my word for it. Do your own investigation. Insist on KSW for yourself. Compare books, tapes and HCOBs word for word and discover what has been changed. If you find something has been changed since Ron’s death, ask to see the directions for the changes as Ron wrote them, in his actual handwriting. It is not entheta or disloyal to ask to see the actual source, it is only KSW.

Do as I did and obtain the actual information about Ron’s death, the suspect will, the challenges that were made. Do not accept my word or the Churches word, find and read the actual documents, form your own questions. Compare it to what you have actually seen and experienced being in and around the “Church”.

Find out for yourself how many, what percentage, of people who have made it onto the “upper levels” are either dying of cancer, dropping off the bridge or leaving the “Scientology Religion” altogether. Then make your own conclusions.

You may ask, “What about my wins?”. I have this to say: What real results one gets and which draws us onward is the real unchanged L. Ron Hubbard tech that is still there, that is still delivered by people of good will, which seeps through the alterations. I have had many wins with real L. Ron Hubbard writings and tech. That is my stable data.

There are people and staff still within the Church who are still trying to deliver pure L. Ron Hubbard. They are hampered or stopped by the pervasive alterations.

I believe that the lower level courses, VM program and auditing are being kept fairly straight as a way to continue to draw new people into the Church as an income source. But alterations in the technical bulletins and training of auditors have resulted in many problems with upper level auditing. I don’t think an unaltered upper bridge that actually delivers the promised EPs is there any more.

And for many years I and others have been hammered repeatedly about all manner of “attacks” and impending chaos in order to pry ever more money out of our parishioner pockets.

One only has to read the felony indictments of Flag in the Lisa McPherson case, read about the missing caretaker logs and the condition of Lisa at the time of her death to know that the 17 day “Introspection Rundown” isolation watch that ended with her death was very, very, very far from any correct LRH technology, yet it took place at the “Mecca of Technical Perfection” and it is being vigorously defended by CSI, RTC and OSA and IAS money. My monies are being spent to evade the consequences of what is to me an absolutely CRIMINAL act done by staff and executives of Flag. And it outrages me.

Ron wrote in HCOB 14 September 1971R Issue V, Revised 3 February 1975, Solo C/S Series 1R, Solo Auditors Rights: “Integrity is a hallmark of Dianetics and Scientology”. The actions of the “Scientology Religion” that have been kept from the view of its members have nothing of integrity in them.

I do not believe that a “Scientology Religion” which alters source materials, lies to its members and evades responsibility for it’s criminal acts by abusing the legal system should be supported.

I do believe that the actual true unaltered Scientology applied religious philosophy as authored by L. Ron Hubbard should be supported and helped.

Another portion of the doubt formula is to view my own intentions and activities. I have. I find my stats miserable and there are many things about myself I wish were different. But I also now can see that I was not delivered in auditing and on courses the tech as Ron wrote it. Not one course or auditing action I received since the late 80’s was untarnished by out-tech, alterations, or evaluation and invalidation by church staff. And I was PTS to the suppression of an off the rails church which was sec checking me for missing it’s withholds. It is so strange that I believe that at the end some sort of “Reverse Auditing” was being done.

So I in consulting my own experiences and observations have been able to establish that where I have fallen down is by letting myself be convinced against my own knowingness and understanding that the “Scientology Religion” was the same thing as Scientology. And being fooled into supporting it and by duress of losing my future keeping myself from examining the actual time place form and event of the most critical incident, Ron’s death. Once I began to pull the strings on that event, the whole fabric of illusion created by the RTC, CSI, CST and OSA began to unravel. The fraud and deceit was revealed.

So I befriend all persons of good will regardless of their affiliation with any “church”. I befriend L. Ron Hubbard and accept his Legacy of the Tech.

I have no desire to be in conflict with or an enemy of the “Scientology Religion”. I do demand returned to me all the monies defrauded of me. I know that those who manufacture the feeling that I am a threat may, contrary to all LRH wrote to us about the confidentiality of our confessional records, ethics records and such like, cull my P.C. folders and other confidential records for “juicy” items, supposed crimes or overts or things that would make you think less of me, and use them to Black PR me or “Dead Agent” me or destroy my life and future. To the degree they do this you know that they have no actual regard for the sanctity of auditing but only a thirst for my destruction. They may wish to punish me for publishing this doubt formula. If they do it, it is just more fraud compounded upon what they have already done.

Thank you.

Michael Leonard Tilse

This essay is written as an exercise of freedom of speech and the exercise of my own spiritual beliefs. It is also copyright 2003 Michael Leonard Tilse, all rights reserved. It may be republished in it’s unaltered entirety with signature and copyright notice intact if you desire to pass it on by email or by printed copy. It may not be excerpted for any reason and expressly may not be copied or excerpted or passed on within any “Scientology” or “Scientology Religion” organization for any purpose or “procedure” of such an organization. This essay is written to individuals.