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Kim Baker My Story PDF Print E-mail

Kim Baker – My Story
Date: Fri, 18 Nov 1994


My ex and I met shortly before President Mandela was released. It was a time of much change and turbulence in the country. For the first time, ever, I felt free to pursue a personal life. When we met, he told me about Scientology - the spiritual side, nothing about the "Organisation". To cut a long story short, we fell in love and married.

I went into Cape Town Org with him to find out more about Scientology. The person I was to see was wearing what looked like a navy uniform. I thought this was a bit odd at the time, but remembered that the Salvation Army also wear uniforms. I shall refer to him only as "G". He started off by talking to me about my life, what I thought about spirituality, etc. Did I think help was possible? Did I think I could be helped in any way? At the time, I had to say frankly, no - I felt in pretty good shape, but I did want to learn more.

The conversation continued: G: "All right. Do you feel it is possible to give help?" I laughed. "Yes, absolutely. In fact I would like to improve my ability to help others." "That's great!" he replied, and beamed at me. Then he said, "How do you feel about control?" "Hmm," I replied, if you're talking about the kind of control our government uses, then I think it is bad." "Well, OK. How about if I told you to pick up that book over there and pass it to me?" "Do you want me to do that?" "Yes." I picked up the book and gave it to him. He looked at me earnestly. "Now was that so bad?" "Was what so bad?" "I just excersized a form of control over you." "Oh. Well, no, that was fine, " I replied. "Excellent!

Now, have you noticed in your life that if you do something you feel bad about, you tend to do more bad things after that?" "Hmmmm," I pondered this for a while. "OK", he said, " Give me an example - tell me something that you did wrong in your life." I became uncomfortable for a bit, and then said "Ummm, I ducked out of University for a while and hitch-hiked around the country with this guy, and we did drugs." "Very good! Now what happened after that?" "Umm, well I had to lie about where I had been to several people". "Exactly! Now do you see how that one bad act led to more?" I nodded, feeling a sense of relief, and an odd "rush".

G then got down to business: "well, I can see that you are MUCH more aware than the average person that walks in off the street here - willing to talk, no comm lag (time taken to receive and answer a communication). You are VERY up-stat (able), and A to B (able to look at things directly). How would you like to help, REALLY help, in one of the greatest purposes on this planet?" I became stirred, excited. "I would - what would I have to do?" "Join staff, here -join our group, and help to free mankind!!"

It sounded great, so I agreed. I signed a contract to join Foundation Staff. (I had a day job, so could not work there during the day). The hours were 7.00 pm to 10.00 pm, Monday to Friday, and 9.00am till 6.00 pm, Saturdays and Sundays. This was a bit much for me, newly married and all, but my ex was delighted. I'm going to stop at this point, and look at what lay underneath the above interview.


What I did not know at the time was that G was a veteran Sea Org member, down in Cape Town on a mission to recruit staff for Cape Town Org. He had to achieve his "stat" (number of staff members recruited) by Thursday, 2.00 pm. The interview took place on Wednesday night. He had also been drilled thoroughly on a standard technique of how to interest people in Scientology.

Here is the drill:

1. By two-way comm get the person to admit that help is possible.

2. By a little direction of his converation or motions, or by two-way comm on good or bad control, make the person see that control is not always horrible.

3. By showing the person that overts (bad acts) lead to more overts, get the person to mention some of his or her own overts. This brings about a raised willingness to talk to you. 4. Close the person (to buy the book, the course, or in this case, sign a staff contract.) I fell for it, hook, line and sinker. I thought we were just having a conversation, and did not realise that I had just had my first piece of " tech" applied to me.


Chris Schafmeister referred in another post to the exploitation of weakness by FSMs. This is the type of thing that can make an unaware person vulnerable:

1. I genuinely had a desire to help people.

2. I felt flattered by the attention and interest I received.

3. I wanted to impress my ex.

4. Deep down, I was bored with life, missing the old "edge" from days gone by, and needed excitement.

5. I was (and still am) aware of a spiritual reality, had explored many other religions, but had not found any one of them to "be for me".

6. I have never been a "high profile" person - my political activities were always in the backgound, strategic. G made me feel important.

7. I agreed - let's get this straight - no-one forced me - yes, I was manipulated, but I am the one who agreed into it.

8. Even deeper down, I liked the APPROVAL I received - I was more insecure at the time than I had thought, and needed the approval of others.


This raises some very interesting philosophical questions. Scientology is not alone in using a technique designed to bring a person round to their way of thinking - governments do it, sales people do it, advertisers do it. What, however of the ETHICS of doing this? The old "ends justifies the means" adage. To what extent is it justified to manipulate a person mentally? WHO is to say what "cause" is correct, or the best for humanity? Invariably it is a few people who have decided this. What individual, or group ever has enough data, enough facts to hand to make such a decision?

In view of the fact that this is a constantly changing universe, how can a group determine that ONE paradigm of thought is THE answer, for ever more? That's the start of my story. As I examine and review the process of assimilation into Scientology, I will share what I think may be of interest. The very personal parts will be omitted, but I am striving to be honest about MY share of responsibility in this saga. I went into it as an adult, reasonably intelligent, but yet naive in many other ways, and with personal weaknesses that made me susceptible to it. It is these personal weaknesses that I am examining ruthlessly - Joe and Flemming's posts on "Rules on being human" spring to mind - "you will repeat a lesson until you learn it." *shudders*. I don't want to repeat THIS lesson, thank you very much!


I am taking a brief detour from the auto-biographical component of my story to examine a deep depression I was in recently. I mostly feel great about my decision, but on Sunday I felt very unstable, desolate, a great emptiness, lonliness and a sense of total isolation. I liken this to withdrawal symptoms from a drug. (I am fighting fit again, as I write this, by the way). I do not have the benefit of an exit counsellor - I am dealing with this on my own. My friends on a.r.s, a.r.s itself and Bent Coryden's book are a life- line to me. I do not have a "live" person, who was IN Scientology to speak to in the city where I live, though. So, I am "counselling" myself.

I looked at that isolation and despair that I was in, and forced myself to analyse it, to conquer it. My goal is NOT to "cave in" as they would have me do, I aim to recover to the point that I am happy and prospering again.

Here is what I have come up with: SOME THOUGHTS ON LEAVING A CULT... Cults, by their very definition, are marginalised from society. When one joins a cult, one learns gradually to accept a unique construct of reality. Scientology, in particular, has developed a whole language to support that definition of reality. Just as an inability to speak French precludes a German from understanding a conversation amongst a group of French people, so the "language" of Scientology precludes understanding by those who have not learned the dialect. This is a very subtle emotional trap. Because if the cultist wants to leave, s/he is faced with social isolation. S/he has this reality which cannot be shared with friends who do not know the dialect.

How do you explain the following to someone who knows nothing of Scientology? (Note: translation will follow):

"Your ethics are out, so your dynamics will cave in. You need to be CAUSE over your Bank, and stay connected to Source. If you don't, I will KR you, and depending on how out-ethics you are, this will go up-lines" That was an example of fairly low-level jargon. To an "outsider", it means nothing. Translated into English: "You have violated the moral code of Scientology, and the various areas of your life will be adversely affected as a result. You need to keep your Reactive mind under control, and keep studying and applying the philosophy of L. Ron Hubbard. If you don't do this, I will report you, in writing, and depending on how serious your crime is, it will be reported to higher authorities within the Scientology organisation"

The deeper into Scientology you go, the more difficult it is to translate: "You have flipped into an SP valence - you are stuck in an incident on your time-track, and dramatizing. You will be denied Eligibility if you continue, and you will miss all those LFBD's. Disconnect, or else!" (Said to me some weeks ago by a Sea Org member). Translation: "You have assumed the identity of a suppressive person. (By definition, a suppressive person is hostile to Scientology). You are acting out a role, not being the real YOU, from one of your past lives. If you continue to behave like this, you will not be allowed to do the OT Levels (upper levels of auditing in Scn), and you will miss getting rid of all that "charge" (which measures on the e-meter by a specific kind of needle reaction). Stop reading a.r.s., or else!"

There are even deeper levels than this. These two "light" examples are sufficient to demonstrate the subtle mechanism which excludes the cultist from normal social inter-action. The deeper the cultist goes, the more dependent they are on fellow cultists for communication and social interaction - and the more difficult it is to leave and re-integrate into normal society. I am sure that these thoughts are not new, but I thought I'd share them, as they are very real to me right now.

I understand why people commit suicide, and how difficult it is to leave a cult. I have no intention of giving them the satisfaction of doing myself in. I have every intention of surviving, getting my true personality back, using my experiences to help anyone else recover, and of re-integrating into society, doing well, and being happy! In part 3, I will continue with the autobiographical story.

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