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Saturday, 22 December 2012
Kim Baker My Story PDF Print E-mail
Part 5

I am at the point where I have finally joined staff, at the Cape Town Foundation Org (means I worked from 7.00 pm to 10.30 pm, Monday to Friday, and Saturdays and Sundays, from 9.00am to 6.00 pm, without pay). I also had a day job, and found this to be a gruelling schedule. During the day, I had a department to run at the University of Cape Town, and was responsible for 30 staff memebers. I also had to run the home (shopping, cooking, etc), and essentially I had no time to myself.

THE TTC (Technical Training Corps):

There are various steps a new staff member has to go through when joining and Org. You have to establish a production record, and you receive training on being a staff memeber. It is called "indoctrination". Never did like that word. I learnt about ethics, and about how in order to stay out of trouble, it was best to be an "up-statistic" (every aspect of working in a Scn org is measured by statistics).

My natural inclination was to resist such rigid control - I hated authoritarianism. BUT, I was there to save the planet, and if this required submitting to an imposed discipline, I would do it. I was given a program of training to becoming an auditor. My statistic was "student points". (Points are allocated according to the amount of material studied), and I was on full time training (7.30pm to 10.00pm). However, I was assigned other tasks, and in order to complete them, I often had to stay on till 11.00pm, sometimes midnight. Then up again, at 5.00 in the morning, to do the work involved in running a home, before going to my day job.

TRAINING:

After I completed the preliminary steps, I was ready to begin training. I had to do the "post-graduate" course of the Key to Life, the Life Orientation course. The materials of this course are confidential, so I won' t go into it. I flew through the course, getting a lot of student points and quickly established myself as an "up-statistic". I was expected to be there at 7.00 pm, sharp, for "roll call" and muster. If I was late, I was sent to Ethics. The fact that I had a responsible day job did not consitute a valid excuse for being late, not did the fact that I had to make supper for my ex and I. Pressure! Something had to take a back seat, and my day job suffered - I was tired and distracted. Add to that, constant fights with my ex - I started getting the "fixed stare" often attributed to Scientologists.

The next course I did was the PRO TRs (Professional TTraining Routines). This teaches you to confront, and to resist responding to anything your pc ( preclear) may say to you in an auditing session. It teaches you not to respond to anyone pushing your "buttons", to ask an auditing question, to get it answered, and to acknowledge it. One of the drills - TR0 - you have to sit for 2 hours and "confront" another person - without twitching, moving, or excessive blinking. You definitely feel stronger after getting through this - able to control things and people. Horribly intoxicating.

Next, was the Upper Indoc TRs (Upper Indoctrination Training Routines). Here you learn to get a person to follow your commands, despite any resistance on their part. For example, you say: "Walk over to that wall. Thank you. Touch that wall. Thank you. Turn around. Thank you. Walk over to that wall..." etc., over and over again. You are trained to issue the commands with Intention (called Tone 40), and if necessary, physical force. I did my drills with a guy who was over 6 feet tall, and very well built - to get him to follow my commands gave me a sense of "Power". Horrible. The rigid schedule, the long hours, the discipline, wore down my ability to analyse what was happening to me. I became irritated by normal life and people, and LIVED for the time when I could go into the Org, impress everyone with how good at it I was, my high student points, etc. The indoctrination was starting to bite, I was starting to enjoy it to a point that I would describe as a sick lust for that "power".

Part 6

All right. My response to OSA's latest attempt to silence me is to continue telling my story - I am exersizing my human right to free will and free speech.

ABSORBED BY THE CULT

I was now totally absorbed by the cult - my whole life was taken up with it, and the only time I had free was Saturday and Sunday evenings. And I found that I could not enjoy normal human activities - such as going to movies, etc. They lacked the intensity that I had become addicted to. After completing the Upper Indoc TRs, I did something called Method One Co-Audit - it is where two people work through a list, looking for words that were not understood in past subjects studied. It is done on the e-meter. I then studied OEC Volume 0 (Organisation Executive Course - there are 7 volumes, this one dealt with being a staff member in a Scientology organisation).

It was at this time that an order came down from the Case Supervisor in Johannesburg that I could not receive my Clear Certainty Rundown (an auditing action to confirm that you are Clear) in South Africa - I had to go to an Advanced Organisation - which meant that I was now looking at R30 000 just for a CCRD! Further, the instruction was that I was not to receive ANY auditing of any kind until I had been to an Advanced Organisation. Never did find out the reason for this.

TURNING ON MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

This is one of many parts that I am deeply ashamed of. While on Staff, my mother became very ill, and was hospitalized. I RESENTED it, God help me, I resented the intrusion into my cult activities. I wrote up a CSW (Completed Staff Work - a request, in writing, with information and a solution, to a senior) to get time off to visit her. It was denied. I re-wrote it, promising to make up the time off, and it was granted. The time I was allowed off was minimal - an hour a night - to visit her. I visited her out of a sense of obligation - I had no compassion, and she knew it. She recovered, but there was a distance between us after that. I bear a deep guilt about this today - then, I had no guilt. I became distant from my friends, and lost touch with them. I belonged to the Church of Scientology - and my "stellar" performance on their courses made me a favourite of theirs.

LIVING WITH CONTRADICTIONS

By now, I had learnt to accept contradictory facts. Sometimes, though, the contradictions were too much for me. One evening, at roll call, a tape by Hubbard was played. On it, he spoke of how he had met Hendrick Verwoed (Hendrick Verwoed was one of the founding fathers of Apartheid in South Africa - he created the system of "Bantu" education, designed to give Black South Africans an inferior education so that they would be forced to seek employment as unskilled labourers - an unspeakably evil system that still has effects to this day).

Hubbard said that Verwoed was "a great guy". The dissonance jarred me deeply. I asked that they stop the tape, and re-play that part - I wanted to be sure I heard correctly. I did. Unfortunately, I don't have the reference of the tape - all I remember is that it was part of the Organisation Executive Course (probably being edited out by the Church now, as I write!). I stood there with my jaw hanging - "How can that be???", I asked my fellow staff members. Here we were, supposed to be saving the Planet, freeing people from their "reactive" minds - and here was our leader, saying that one of the most suppressive people in our country was "A GREAT GUY"????

The other staff members just shrugged it off, saying Hubbard must have had his reasons. I couldn't. I kept my disagreement to myself after my initial outburst - didn't want to have to go through "False Data Stripping" (a process whereby any disagreement with Hubbard or Scientology is handled to the point that the disagreement is nullified).

SO WHY STAY IN THE CULT? Is the question you must be asking. Here was something that struck against the very core of me - it struck at that which I had spent my whole life fighting, at that which I considered to be utterly evil - racism. Yet I stayed on in the cult. Why? WHY?? I have been beating myself up over this one - because I DON'T KNOW why I did not walk out at that point. This frightens the hell out of me. What more reason did I need to see through the cult? Yet I stayed. Would I have stayed if I had found out that Hubbard was a mass murderer too? Jesus, I DON'T KNOW!!! What had happened to me?????



 
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