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Saturday, 22 December 2012
My Story - Bea Kiddo PDF Print E-mail

Part XIV

Approx 2003 (I guess)

Ok, so here I was, kicked out of my org, but not traded yet. And so I was helping out on tech lines for a bit while they figured out what to do with me. Even though I was pretty trained, I was considered pretty much a piece of trash (because I had flirted with someone on staff in VZA).

Meanwhile, my weekly paycheck was 11 dollars. And so, because I was addicted to coffee, it was a tough choice between coffee or soap to take a shower. One lucky thing I guess was me and my mom lived in the same building, so I got to see her more in 2003 until the end of my Scn adventure than I ever did in my entire life combined. For that I am grateful. But I am taking a good guess and thinking I will never see her again.

Anyways, she did help me financially a bit here. Not with money, more I think with supplies so I did not have to worry about money. It was all embarrasing to me to even be broke!!! Wasnt I a competent Sea Org member who could make anything go right? Come on!!!

So, one fine day on the tech lines I overheard about a staff member (not in my org), having gone fully insane, by their terms. He was having coughing fits, talking to himself, taking off his clothes and running around mid using the bathroom and so forth. :eek:

So they took him off the base, and then put him with to other people watching him, 24 hours a day. They had to get him off Scn property. That is always a first and urgent action, probably since other unnamed flubbed ones.

The C/S was unsure of what to do, mainly because she was not trained enough to handle the case. Well, I really had nothing to do and this, if done right, supposedly would b good for the case and would also get me into better graces. And so I decided to jump in and help out. Well, as it turns out, I was the only person on the entire HGB base qualified to audit the Introspection RD and there was not a single C/S available to C/S it. So what I did was all of the technical footwork that has to be done. (This part is a little technical, so bear with me).

So I had to go through every single pc folder particle, ethics folder, personnel folder, notes he had at home, letters, EVERYTHING he was ever involved in, to find points of introspection. This took several days to do. Meanwhile, he was out in a rented cabin in San Bernadino mountains somewhere. So I had to compile it all and propose a program and all of the steps to be done (the first couple of steps of the RD are the longest, as they are tailored to that specfic case and what caused them to introspect). I discovered a long history of a very troubled case and the guy was being audited WAY over his head on Int RD, list repairs, etc etc when all he really needed was light introductory auditing. He was plowed in by auditing, compounded with being in the Sea Org his entire life, just pressure all over the por kid (yes, he was a kid).

So then I got the folder all ready and then they wanted me to audit him. They found a C/S for the case at the PAC base (so I had to "Schlep" the folder daily to get it C/Sed and all). Somehow they got the approval for me to audit him by my org (because it had nothing to do with the org I was in). They worked out some deal, not sure what. Probably their C/S had to work for them for a while, which she used to try to do as much as she could, but now it would be forced on her. Oh well.

Meanwhile, right around then, I had made alot of friends in the HGC. THe other auditors. And they heard wind of my Comm Ev and heard some very false information about what occured and they got very mad at me, saying I was very out ethics and blah blah blah. I sorted it out. Someone was spreading lies about me though. I am noting that because I feel like alot of the justice I did get was based on lies. Their word against mine.

Oh yeah, they ordered me to some kind of sec check. That was why I did not leave right away. I couldnt until that was done. And being OT V, there was only one auditor who could do it. Well they did manage to set it up and I did get through the sec check, only to find out after that I had to get FPRD too. That pissed me off - why didnt they do with FPRD in the first place? THen I would have to re-run the same stuff? Screw you guys. THat happened a bunch of times in my life.

Anyways, back to that case: So for some reason the C/S wanted me to start with a D of P interview. I should not have done that, because it can make the person look inward, which is not what you want!!! I think the purpose of it was for he and I to meet. I knew him already. I knew him since he was born. I knew his mother well and audited her tons.

Anyways, it was night time and it was dark outside, in the middle of nowhere. The people watching him decided to leave to town (not knowing they could be gone a while), I think to get food or space, not sure. But the roads were icy and there was snow all over. I was not dressed for that. So I was stuck inside this cabin with this kids who was known for getting violent, in the middle of a place that I did not know. If he would have made a run for it, I would not have been able to find him. It was pitch black outside.

Oh well. They finally came back and it was fine.

So then I started auditing on this kid every day. I dont really remember too much about that, the sessions were always very short and we would go do walks and other things too. I would spend all day out there, and come back around dinner time to get the folder C/Sed for the next day. One thing they didnt like was that I did not know how to drive and they had to arrange a driver for me every day from security I guess. And so it was a different person every day. Sometimes they would politely complain to me about not knowing how to drive and I pointed out that I spent my time learning the tech (up to Class VI) and I thought that was a more useful way to spend my time (yeah right).

I remember that the watches were feeding him hot dogs, hamburgers, frozen dinners. They were not giving nutritious food. Well, being raised in the Sea Org, I was not a cook either, but some things I think you are naturally born with I think. And so I took them shopping at the store and bought proper food. Yum. We had a barb-q with chicken breast and roasting ears!!! (for those who dont know, thats corn on the cob). I had to take them out shopping a few times until they got the hang of it. I was making most of the meals for all of them. None of them probably ever ate well. The food at the HGB was nothing to write home about: white rice, some unflavored, pale meat, that was about it. Nasty food there.

Between sessions, when I was not there, the kid would have some wild reactions which I would find out about the next day. He didnt do much of it when I was there. Maybe I would keep him calm, or he knew I was there to help him and didnt want to hurt me, or it was because I was a female. I dont know.

For some reason the bathroom used to make him pretty crazy. He would be in the middle of doing a #2 activity (excuse me) and would run out without clothes on and start screaming stuff. Also there were a lot of ants in there and he was very compelled to kill them. He would spend hours in there killing the ants. I asked the boys to try to get him interested in other activities instead of doing that, because killing the ants seem to make him a little more unstable and was not good for him or the ants.

My time line is all messed up, but I think he was audited for about 6 weeks or so by me, about 3 - 4 sessions per day, depending on how light or deep the sessions got (one deep, or a couple light ones).

During that, I was transferred to ASHO. But they knew that I would need to complete this PC before I could go, and that was fine with everyone. However, for 2 weeks, ASHO did not get paid at all, and that did not help me at all!!! It caused me some big problems, because I needed some basic things like shower stuff and things. So I mentioned this to my mom, who immediately, for some reason, contacted the OSA person who was involved wih handling the kid (and who apparently cared about my well being, which I did not know at all). She called me and asked me what was up and told me she could arrange to FLO to pay me for 3 weeks so that I would not be concerned with money. She told me if I needed ANY help, she would help me. I was suprised because that person has way more on her lines than one small kid who was insane.... But she did help me with that, which helped alot.

Ok, so a couple more weeks and he was done with the RD. He was in a lot better shape than he had been, but he was still pretty rough around the edges, know what I mean. Nice kid. Poor kid. He thought he would be able to go back on post. Nope. One advice after that RD is the RPF, or offload. So they decided to offload him.

So he was escorted (with me and others) to the airport I believe, where he was going to be taken to his father in Florida, I think. Well, they called his father (and OT V at least, maybe OTVIII?), who could not understand how his kid could have gotten to this state. Nobody knew how to answer to him, so of course, since I was the only techie there, they wanted me to explain it. I knew him from the RPF in 91 and he remembered me well from then. So we ad a decent conversation. But how do you explain that? Up in the semi-high levels of the church, peoples cases being neglected, misprogrammed, etc? And now he's out, with a few loose screws to boot?

I did not make him that way, I did try, with what I knew, to help him the best I could. I have wondered about him since then too. How is he doing. Is he ok? Is he in need of constant care? He should be old enough to take care of himself. But he will never be allowed on a Sea Org base again. No OT levels for him this lifetime. All because of the earlier misprogramming.

I am telling all this from my view at the time. I am not saying I agree with the tech. I think that it did not work on me personally as a case, but I cant say for sure that it did not help others. I saw change in people. Maybe it was fake. I don't know. With Sea Org members, I surely wouldnt doubt it. And with the public i audited, probably there too. Because I always thought that since they have to pay so much for the auditing, they are gonna wanna change their minds fast about things to get'em done faster, you know? I dont know if they really were fully in session. Wouldnt they always be worried about how much it costs them to have that thought, or that Comm lag? You know?
Part XV

So, guys, we are coming to the end of the begining here. The story of getting out is ALMOST over!! Whew. I think I may need to copy Mate and do reflections, as there is always more to it, that one remembers after the fact. But before all that, I shall continue with the actual installments of the story.

So I completed auditing that pc on the Introspection RD, and I reported for dtuy at ASHO. They decided to post me as a C/S. The other C/S was Bruce Gaines, nice guy for the most part, but every once in a while he could get really angry and it would always make me laugh. I guess he just never intimidated me. He was too nice when he was nice to be really angry when he was angry. Oh well.

So I had to re-do my metering video again, I think. That took all of a lunch time to complete, then I was allowed onto post. I was previous to GAT a Class V Grad C/S, but was not Class VI C/S (never completed the internship for it) and so they were allowing me to C/S as a Grad V C/S, but they wanted me to do my Class VI Intership, which I was doing basically concurrently with my post.

Ok so there seemed to be technical changes going on. Maybe that is my SP generality view coming out, who knows. And I am going to mention some of it here. I have not seen any of this aspect of things posted anywhere and this is the part that really pushed me over the edge. Made me think WTF?, you know?

(Through all this, I was doing daily C/Sing, nothing much to comment on that part, for real).

The main thing here is on the State of Clear. And I feel there is a chapter worth mentioning on this. Because I was involved in the OT Elig line (getting people approved to get onto their OT Levels at AOLA, across the street from ASHO), I had to deal with verifying the State of Clear. So I was trained in doing interviews (I forgot the name of them, C/S 3 or something like that) on people who's Clear Cog was not clearly stated, to see if they would give it straight out. A lot of times this interviews would have leading questions and that was how I was trained in doing them. The areas of earlier sessions would be refered to and reread to the PC, to get him or her to expand or clarify what was meant. Sometimes these interviews would go on for several hours. Come on guys, if they were Clear, I think it would come up a little easier than that! The reason these interviews were allowed/started is from an IG Network Bull about Clears and it is one of the targets on the program to so these interviews on the "Clears" where the cog is not clearly stated. So for a year I was involved in doing and/or C/Sing these interviews.

Additionally, another program step (from the same IG people) was to get all the folders programmed of all of the Clears who had not moved forward. There were 4 categories of stalled Clears. Well, not all stalled, as the first was those onlines, second is those offlines, but recently around doing services, those who are long gone, recovery jobs and the last, those who are really not qualified for auditing and should not have been audited (like criminal, illegal pc's, things like that, from early years and such).

So I had to spend like a week in archives sorting through all of these folders and cases, categorizing all of them, determining if they had Clear evidence, when they were on lines, etc. So I made a huge list of all of the categorizing that was done, and where each one was at. And there were alot of names on the list that we did not have the folders for anymore, and those were being gotten from wherever they were transferred to.

Anyway, this was a huge amount of hours and work, but to me it felt like paper shoving and cookie cutting!

Now I know the Senior C/S AO (Griffie Blythe) got in trouble earlier about cookie cutter programs, but it was still going on, its just that they wanted it done their way.

Anyways, after that paperwork was done, they wanted me to start programming the folders. In order to get it all done by the deadline, I would have to program like 8 - 10 per day. LRH says programming a folder can take hours. Besides doing my post, I had to do this. You do the math. And big ethics if it weren't done.

Meanwhile, in the middle of all this, some kid at Flag flaps somehow because he was a past life Clear, only gave a Clear cog or something. So then they decided just because someone gave the Clear Cog, that does not mean that they are Clear. Evidence needs to be proven. Kinda like I guess more to the person past life, getting the name, folders, confirming hours of auditing and so forth. So then we had to go through everyone's CLear thing AGAIN and all these people we thought were Clear really weren't (to tell you the truth, I didnt understand what the heck that was all about).

I remember thinking "Make up your fricken MIND!!!" I really got crazy about how the tech seemed to change so much.

And then poor Bruce was C/Sing a girl who was going onto the OT Levels. She was all good to go, and the folder came back from RTC with a note "where is the Clear evidence?". To me, that sounds like a perfectly normal question. THat is something that must be provided and tabbed for anyone to get onto the OT Levels. Ok, so Bruce took this to mean that she was not Clear. So he decided to let her know that she is not CLear and will need to be audited to Clear before embarking onto the OT Levels. Well, little did he know this girl was prone to violence (hah, a Clear, right?). Well, she was given her non-Clear info and blew up!! She got violent and went out of the room, out of the building, storming down the street towards her car, maybe running out of Scn. But they caught up with her, and with alot of physical and verbal persuasion, they got her back into the org, where the Senior C/S talked to her for a while. So Bruce got in big trouble for that, big org flap (because the pc thought that the not Clear thing was from RTC so they were on the lines, and not happy about that too!). So Bruce and others were getting Comm Ev'ed. I offered to help Bruce, but he just kept crying and banging on the folder trying to figure out what to do. I can't remember how it finally got resolved, but I know they did decide that she was Clear... pulled the evidence out of someone's .... excuse me. That was just how things seemed to get done. It's political. So she went onto her OT Levels and when she saw some of that information, same reactions in the OT courserooms - having violent, screaming, crying, wanting out, etc. I don't think her case was handled right....

Sorry for those who may not understand the technical side of this, but I feel this part is important to why I got out. Now, if someone from inside were to tell you why I got out, it would be a totally different story. But the motivations behind my actions are covered here. No, they did not make me do anything (they say, but check out the technical stuff and how we had to do it. That is bull and not LRH, if LRH is right anyways, which I don't even know now), and I did my own thing to get myself in trouble. I did it to get out of there. I did not want to blow, I figured I would go the slow way out, I guess. I don't know. Soon that part will come up. And what I did was considered very bad there. When I bring it up. please don't judge. Well, you can I guess. Go ahead. But I had to get out of there. And I think the way I did it was pretty smooth.

And that part, for another day. Until then, peace out.

Part XVI

Ok, this is pretty close to the end here.

Having been in the RPF a number of times and hating the RPF, being way overaudited on FPRD, not even on my own track, evaluations up the kazoo, constant ethics handlings, constant fixing of ME, instead of the groups abberation, I was pretty much frustrated, fed up and did not care. And yet I continued to pretend that I was part of the group and doing my job to Clear the planet. Yep, I pretended all the way to security, my Comm Ev and all the way to getting out the door. My mother thinks I will do A to E. But, after a break from Scn and reflections, I don't think that is something I will do anytime soon.

(I was about to submit this part and remembered another important part to this story which I had not mentioned yet, so it is interjected here One of the auditors at ASHO, named Cathy, was a Class VI Intern who was having a lot of trouble with everything: her pc's, her life, her family, her internship, everything was really a mess. And she was not taking the time to sort them out and was just trying to kinda get through each day. Then one day IAS regged her for 50,000, which she donated. Soon after that, who knows if it is related, she blew in her car and was driving all over. She was recovered (I dont recall how) and the folder sent to me and the Senior C/S to figure out what to do with her. When we looked through all the info, it turned out she was majorly introspected and ......... yep - you guessed it. The big ol' rundown for her too!!! Introspection RD. (I wonder, was it what I needed and that was why everyone else was getting it? No. Not really, but why were there so many, huh?). So I ended up C/Sing it and someone else was auditing it. I never saw the outcome of it because I got busted before she finished.

So, somewhere in there, I got into a several day fling with another staff member. One of the really big problems with that from the church standpoint was that it was a person of the same sex as me. We did not even go very far or do much, just enough to get me in a lot of hot water. I don't even have those tendencies, never did and only did it to get out. (I guess I decided to just say it here because if anything ever did come up from them about me, it would be this. Because that is all there is. But I think a point the Illusioness made on another thread about RFW and how they offend people they don't even know would be the same here on this. Putting this thing I did as a bad thing could make THEM look bad in the eyes of alot of people that are now accepting this type of thing). And anyways, I have been in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex (same person) for over 2 years now.

Anyways, this thing happened and I did not come clean on it. And the other person supposedly tried to kill themselves (not true) and then put under watch and they assigned me to audit them. I should have refused. But I audited her and never mentioned anything about the truth, and she was offloaded quickly. So then several months later it all came out, because they couldnt hold it in anymore and it was reported.

And so security called me and wanted me to go down to security for a talk and that was the begining of the end. Cool. I was under 24 hour watch and on decks for like 3 months (because I had to get a Comm Ev and sec check and its hard to find auditors for OT's, and things like that). So I got declared by Comm Ev for that and then got a sec check and left.


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