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Saturday, 22 December 2012
My Story - Exscnchild PDF Print E-mail

Note that plenty of time was dedicated to me having scientology "processing" but little time or energy was devoted to ensuring that I was either doing well in school or doing my homework from school. Indeed, at about six years old I was left to organise everything in my life - making my lunch for school, getting myself up in the morning and to school and getting myself home again. Remember children are just "thetans in small bodies" according to Hubbard and my parents took this, like everything else he wrote, literally. So at six I was considered to be able to manage all aspects of my life, despite the very obvious fact that I was not able to do this at all. As a consequence I bathed once a week at most, I didn't ever have lunch for school, I doubt I brushed my teeth more than once every six months and I was consistently late for school. At one point I had huge infected sores all up my arm and they would discharge blood and puss fairly often.

At some point the school I went to figured that something bad was happening and they contacted my parents about the lack care I received. Somehow the cult's local management got wind of this and I was placed with another scientology family for some months. In this time I was put on the scientology "purification rundown", which involved a daily regime which included taking vast doses of dietary supplements, weird concoctions of minerals drinking a mug of vegetable oil every day and sitting in a sauna for five or six hours. There's plenty of research to show that this "rundown" does not help a person's health at all, and is likely damaging due to the overly large amounts of vitamins taken.

When I was eight or nine we somehow ended up living in the local "narcanon" house, which was a huge old building. A bunch of scientologists were living there along with the public drug addicts which "narcanon" is supposed to help. I have quite fond memories of living here due to the size of the building and the fact that I was often left alone for days on end. There were other people around, but my parents were off doing what ever they were doing so I had no real supervision. The freedom was wonderful! I'd take my sleeping bag and a lamp and a book and camp out all over the place, behind couches, in old closets, a couple of times in the out buildings. But there were times I was the only person there with the public drug addicts, and in hindsight I realised that I barely escaped being sexually abused on a couple of occasions.

The break from scientology first happened in my mind when I was ten. It was quite simple - I learnt to fool the "e-meter". By holding a particular image in my mind I could cause the "e-meter" to go into "floating needle" mode. This allowed me to start to manipulate the "sessions", mostly by ending them earlier so I could have more free time after school.

Soon after this my parents decided that the cult was "out ethics" and this eventually resulted in them being "declared SPs". They ran their own covert operation for a couple of years getting copies of Hubbard's books and transcribing his lecture tapes. They became "squirrels" and started a mini cult of their own, which eventually became the "Freezone" in that city. This was the second major break for me and where I was very lucky, with this building on the fact that I could manipulate the "auditing" a real crack of reality was getting through to me. If this hadn't happened then most likely the direction of my life would have ended up very different, and I can see that I would have likely ended up in the "Sea Org", simply because I wouldn't have known what else to do with my life.

My parents continued to put me scientology processing which generally I was quite happy with as it was the only time I received anything like positive attention from them. I also found this was the only time I could speak freely and wouldn't suffer retaliation because of anything I said.

The crack of reality continued to grow, partially because of my friends and me getting involved in activities which stimulated me mentally and encouraged free thinking. As this happened my sense of wanting to be free from the abuse and from my parents attempting to control every moment of my life grew. After a number of serious run ins, my parents refused to let me go to school and I was made to do physical labour for eight to ten hours a day on their farm. Any suggestion of rebellion or disagreement was met with physical force, much greater than previously. I suppose this was my own personal "RPF", and in retrospect I can only guess that my parents took their inspiration for this "handling" from the formation of the real "RPF".

Through a friend I managed to get in contact with the social services and the result of this was that the social services decided to visit my parents and try to talk things out with them. The fall out from this was worse than I'd imagined - I couldn't walk properly for a week. My parents told me that I was "in treason", but that they were proud of me for taking my punishment so well.

Still I was not quite at breaking point and it took one more serious beating for me to finally leave. I left home in my mid-teens with a book, a hair brush, and three pairs of underwear all in a plastic bag. I went to social services and told them I was not going back. Social services examined and photographed my injuries and contacted my parents.

Seeing my parents back down to social services was an incredibly powerful moment for me. They threatened to "go to the papers" if they could not take me home. The social services people said "do that then - and we will take you to court for custody and you will lose because we have physical evidence of abuse". A few minutes later my parents were signing papers to "voluntarily" allow social services to take custody of me. This remains one of the happiest days of my life. Of course later they said that that this was all planned and done on purpose to teach me to be independent and able to "stand on my own two feet". This is something you will encounter constantly with scientologist - fact are altered or viewed in such a way to make them appear to be in control and you will find that this behaviour is consistent with many people suffering from delusional disorders. The fact that scientologists commonly exhibit such behaviour is worth bearing in mind when either dealing with them.

I spent some time in government care. I met many people whose stories remain with me, and their stories were the start of my recovery. There are a lot of messed up people out there, not just scientology. My foster parents were extremely good and loving despite not having any idea of how to deal with someone with my experiences, and I still have regular contact with them.

After leaving government care there were times in my late teens and early twenties when I really hit the bottom. Times when I lay on the floor for a week, unable to move, not drinking not eating, unable to shift my mind from the broken state it was in. There were times I sat on the floor, knife in hand, blood coming from my arm, desperately willing myself to cut deeper to bring some kind of end to my pain. I was committed to psychiatric care twice. For my whole life I had been taught to suppress and control my emotions, had no way of relating to the normal world, and I was paying the price. I had no coping mechanisms, I didn't know how to properly engage with people on an emotional level. This is the true result of scientology and scientology processing - broken people. Both the "Freezone" and scientology will tell you this is because of "out tech", which is jargon for scientology processing being done somehow wrong. In the paranoid delusional world of Hubbard all negative results of scientology processing are "out tech". There are no positive examples of scientology processing I've ever seen which couldn't be achieved more effectively with normal counselling or psychotherapy.

I got in to university as an adult student on the basis of passing an aptitude test. Studying in the real world of university was both a relief and something I couldn't cope with due to trying to cope with my mental and emotional state. Many people helped me in this time, in both small and large ways. The mental health community is largely comprised of people who have an awesome sense of caring, are well trained and deal with incredibly difficult things on a daily basis. THESE are the people who are able help, they're not evil, they're not part of a conspiracy and they are amazingly dedicated. The turning point for me came in the days after I made a serious suicide attempt. I was off my tree for a week afterwards due to the cocktail of drugs and booze I'd had, but something about the experience allowed me to start to calm internally and start to focus on something. Granted I was still a mess but I had finally gained some kind of will to survive - never the less I can't really recommend suicide attempts as a recovery mechanism!

I move countries, changed my name, experienced life, had lots of sex. Sex I can recommend as a recovery mechanism, and while me didn't always experience it in an enhancing way, it helped me to gain a sense of intimacy and comfort with people I'd not had before. I still had a lot of issues to deal with and I spent a long time on anti-depressants, simply learning to live, learning to cope and learning to be myself. After a number of years I weaned myself off the medication and have lived for almost a decade without it; medication has its place and gave me the mental breathing space to truly recover from the damage that scientology had done to me.

The real kicker about the whole scientology cult is that in one of Hubbard's lectures he describes how to control and imprison people: first you draw the curtains around them twenty feet away and you put the bars behind the curtains. Then you move the curtains in, little by little so as they don't notice. As you do this you move the bars closer too. Eventually the curtains are a foot away and so are the bars. That's how you control and imprison people. Think about it for a moment. He TOLD people how he was controlling them. The truth about scientology is right there, a bare faced declaration of what he was doing to people and what scientology continues to do to people. They're slowly immersed in the scientology culture and their ability to discern truth from lies is removed. This is what you are dealing with when you talk to a scientologist - someone who has no ability to think outside of the cage that they are in - indeed, they don't even know that they are in a cage. The good news is that once they see that they are in a cage, they can start to become free again; the cage only exists within their mind.

True there are some people in the cult who are physically restrained, such as the people in the RPF and those who have been caught in circumstances like Lisa McPherson’s. It's sad to say that if you simply released those people today they would still be caught in the cage. That said, returning to a normal life is quite achievable; if I did it on my own, anyone can do it. So don't give up hope for those who are inside, if you have loved ones, friends, family, know that there is a way out and that one day they will be free.

Life is good and life goes on. - Master Splinter

I love life, there's so much good, so many wonderful things to experience. In many ways my childhood made me the person that I am; curious, determined, and I hope caring and loving. I have my faults, don't get me wrong, but I do my best to be a good person. I've done things I'm not proud of, mostly in the throes of recovery, but I take responsibility for them, learn from them and move on. Taking responsibility is not something you will find in scientology. Freedom is not something you will find in scientology. I don't blame my parents, and I don't blame any of the individuals in scientology, they are victims just as much as I am. What they need is help to see the truth about the lies which they are caught in.

Yours,

A scientology child

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