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Saturday, 22 December 2012
25 Years of Scn - TWIN A PDF Print E-mail
Personal Stories - Sea Org

Part 8
Howdy again all. OK, there will be some gaps in time in my story telling. If there is a LONG gap, no need to worry...I haven't gone back on staff!!! Even if that heinous idea occurred to me, I don't think anyone would accept me. I am no longer a doe-eyed youth willing to do anything for acceptance, nor listen to anything without question. I'm 41 years old, I don't give my work away for free and I'm a skeptic. Basic out quals for staff.

I could just imagine me on staff now....If I was on staff and if someone were to approach me at 11PM at night, and ask me to stay up all night to prepare a meadow for planting the next day, so that next Spring when Tom and Nicole show up, Tom could romp through the field of wild flowers with Nicole. I would not repeat my earlier mistake and swallow my disappointment at losing yet another night of sleep, and meakly say "YES SIRS" I would not end up staying up most the night doing back breaking work in the mud rolling up sod rolls, thinking "wow, isn't it so cool that T.C. is a Scientologist."

Instead, I'd be kind of recalcitrant, I'd ask questions, I'd demand an explanation! I would probably say, "Doesn't this project, involving C of S International assets and funding, go beyond the normal marketing and promotional expense of a non-profit religious group? Is fulfilling sexual fantasy's a Scientology service now? Wouldn't it be considered some kind of inurement? Tom Cruise is a millionaire, can't he hire workers to plant a wild flower field if he really wants one? Oh, this is a fantasy he's had, he doesn't know we all know he had it? Does he really need Scientology religious workers to help him fulfill his fantasy life? I thought the Scientology "technology" was supposed to be used to impress people, not manual labor accomplishments and public relations events. How do you know he had this fantasy of running through a wild flower field with Nicole? Is this something out of one of his sessions? Why are you reading his PC folders? Does he know you do this? Isn't that against confidentiality agreements that were made? Won't he suspect it if you show him the field of flowers next Spring? Have you ever planted a 'field of wildflowers' before? How do you even know they are going to grow well here and look nice? What if a bunch of weeds grow too? This area is prone to weeds. Why can't we pull sod up in the morning and spray the damn seed/dirt mix on Sunday? Oh-- the company with the special seed mix and sprayer don't work on Sunday? Well, then how about spraying the seeds on a MONDAY then? Hey, I've got a better idea, I have a fantasy that can be fulfilled without all this work. I have this fantasy of actually going home on time and waking up in the morning and working with well rested co-workers the next day. Oh, what? Tom's fantasy's with Nicole are more important than mine? How so? Why is his second dynamic life more important than my life and health? What if I catch a cold staying up all night in the rain and cold? Why didn't Tom stay married to Mimi, doesn't Marriage Co-auditing work? If I get a cold tonight, and then I get put on the "PTS list" and have to get tortured with PTS interviews and handlings and have to disconnect with another family member, will Tom Cruise come and help me out when I'm distressed? I mean will he do some free work for me in return? Oh, wait... you mean Tom doesn't know we are doing this to impress him? What if he knew? What if I tell him later? Who does he think does all the work and gardening out here anyway? etc. etc."

You see, I'd be kind of hard to control. It wouldn't work out.

I actually drove out by the Int base Sunday morning to give my friends a tour. Some of the Gold staff were outside in the road planting plants in the median and sweeping up the sides of the street. I don't know what that was all about, maybe after rain repair or spiffing things up for some reason. The road side areas and median looked great, so they were doing a good job. The crew out seemed to be a mixed bag of people, I can't imagine that it was a deck team, but rather some kind of all-hands. All had different colored uniform shirts on, or just a regular T Shirt. I caught glimpses of Pene Mace, Sheri Aljibouri (at least it looked like her from the back), Shawn Allcock, Todd Yamaguci, Heidi Stahli, John Gonzalez, some younger people I didn't recognize. Yikes, what if one of them asked me to join in on the all-hands?

I also drove by the Ranch later, just out of curiosity. The property was sold to the Soboba reservation some years ago I think. It had been turned into a sports complex. It actually was in really good shape. There were new baseball diamonds and football fields with stadium lights and seating and a large nicely paved parking lot. We walked around and took pictures. It was kind of therapeutic for me to walk around the property freely without having any security guards or other RPFers chasing after me. I kept expecting a security guard on a rover bike to drive up to me and treat me like I was doing something wrong. But no suspicious guard came after me, it was cool. The place was open and friendly. It still had the Castille Canyon Ranch sign at the entrance, but there was a nice new white fence along the right side of the road on the way out to it.

I showed my friends the Cambell House, the main house, the motel units, the old RPF site (which had been cleared out and was mostly cactus and shrubs, only a few signs of every having been an RPF site. I told them some of my stories there. I actually liked the Cambell House as a house. I don't like everything that happened there but It was great to be able to walk over to it and just look at it and just admire it as a great old Craftsmen style ranchhouse. I could recall times when I felt happy there and also then see what had changed that feeling. So, it was good to just see it as a house again, to admire the architecture and remember times when I actually happily sat in the breakfast nook eating breakfast and watching the sun come up, or when I went exploring in the big basement, or when I made soup and salads in the spacious kitchen. There were times when I thought I was getting to stay there as a reward for all my hard work. Times when I thought I was getting some time off there because I was a good person. And there were times when I had been banished there, under guard and being watched. It was cool to just remember the better times, before I lost my innocence so to speak and experienced the darker side of Sea Org life there.

Well, I am onto Part 8 now, at the point in Jan 1983 when I graduated the EPF. My brother got put onto the CMO EPF again, then eventually used as a trade over to Flag Crew. My brother actually liked Flag Crew better. He got posted as the Internal Comm Flow Officer. I know for a while, he enjoyed that position. He took his big battleship,size 12 feet and ran around the Flag Land Base delivering comm and getting people to answer their in baskets. My little bro didn't start growing tall yet to catch up to his foot size, but his voice did start to crack and I made fun of him.

I got posted as the Dir Per's Assistant. I was Jackie Delalez's assistant in CMO CW. I made a trip to PAC around January/February 1983 because I was supposed to go to INT myself. I met Cheryl Sutter and Gail ? Later Mortenson, who were in HCO CMO INT I think. I met Matt Henderson, the Qual Sec or Chief Officer CMO PAC at that time and Cindy Henderson. I met Nettie Allcock, to CO CMO PAC then. They were very friendly towards me and gave me some simple errands to do while I awaited approval of my INT clearance CSW. I did some baby sitting for Pam Loewing. I watched some unruly brats in a dilapidated building on Fountain Ave. What the heck was that building called? Was it the Fountain Building? The one next to the parking structure. I don't remember all the kids that were there.

I do remember one of Pam's kids who was a darling and I remember Shawn Allcock who was a complete monster. There were maybe five other kids there. The "day care" room was small and smelled like pee. I know I'd go crazy if I had to stay cooped up in this room all day. I asked if I could take the kids outside and I was told emphatically no way. Shawn would sometimes climb up onto the top bunk of a set of bunks beds that were off to the side of the room in a smaller room, and he would jump right on top of any smaller kid that walked by. They would promptly scream and cry and complain while Shawn would laugh. It was hard for me to blame Shawn, there wasn't much to do in this room. They had practically no toys, no kid books to read. It was bizarre. I felt incredibly ineffective as a baby sitter. I'd never done it before. I was sort of verbally told that it wasn't a good idea to tell kids what they should NOT do, but instead try to direct their attention to things they CAN do. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what the heck I could give these kids TO DO in this little room. I was glad this baby sitting task was short lived. It was like being in an insane asylum.

The courseroom I had to use while in PAC to do my Third Class Mission School and Staff Status 0 and 1 was terrible. I preferred the ITO courseroom at Flag. The CLO WUS courseroom I went to in PAC had a supervisor who completely ignored me and when he did pay attention to me, he had no patience with me. He'd just get mad when I fell asleep. I think he sent me to ethics once, said I was sleeping and drooling on the course pack. The food in PAC was terrible. I got food poisoning yet again. Matt Henderson gave me a tip, eat lots of acidophilus and only eat in the CMO dining area, not the regular dining area. He had his own bottle of acidophilus in a refrigerator in the folder tank area of CMO PAC. I might have had another "PTS handling" but I can't recall it. It seemed there was more understanding with regards to the subject of food poisoning in PAC than at Flag, so I could blame my illness on the food and not have to get a bunch of lists to find my PTS item.

My request to go up to INT was disapproved and Kathy Wyder (she later became Janet McLaughlin/Stevens?Light's communicator at the IASA) was sent instead of me. I was supposed to go back to CMO CW and help to replace her. She'd briefly been in CMO CW as an expeditor. I was told my disqualification was that I "hadn't finished school yet". I was so pissed off! I was mad that James Stemme, the SO recruiter had said that I could get help finishing school only to then have my incomplete education get used against me!

I didn't see how Kathy was a better choice than I was. Kathy was from Europe, she didn't speak English very well. When someone got in her way, instead of saying "excuse me", she'd say "sorry?" and it would confuse the person she was trying to get to move out of the way. Well it always confused me. I wanted to work for INT because I wanted to be back in California near my family. I didn't like Florida. I liked the fresh air and the humidity of Florida (it was good on my skin and hair!) but I missed California way too much. And I was told that working for LRH was the most important job, and I wanted the most important job. I was smart and I was unutilized doing stupid errands in CMO PAC. Little did I know that I WOULD get my dream, and I would some day do stupid errands for LRH! Like rinsing his laundry over and over again and making pirate copies of movies for him to watch.

I almost just walked out of the Sea Org then and there. I should have. This was just evidence that I was getting used and I shouldn't have just let it slip. After I was told I wasn't qualified, I burst into tears and I ran out of the CMO PAC building (now Bridge) so no one would see me cry. I went onto Fountain Ave. I was going to cross the street and hang a left and keep going to the nearest bus stop, but Micky Lipton (hope I got her name right) came out after me. She told me to stop and then she caught up with me and walked me the rest of the way across the street so that we weren't stopping traffic on Fountain. She talked to me on the side of the road, on the side walk. She looked right at me and looked me in the eye and said that just because I was disapproved for INT didn't mean I wasn't liked or not needed. It was like she was reading my mind.

She explained that because I was under 18 and not done with school yet, it created some kind of legal problem for me to work out at INT. She said finishing school would be easy, I could just "do a GED" and it wouldn't be long before I was chosen to go back to INT and "over the Rainbow". I didn't even know Micky Lipton. I had no idea why she was talking to me and not the other Int base recruiters that had been dealing with me earlier. Part of me wanted to just say "screw you" and keep walking, but part of me seemed impressesd with Micky and how well she was able to help me with my emotions, and how I felt better after what she'd said. I wanted to learn how to do this. I assumed that she was compassionate because she was a Scientologist, but later found out that she was few and far between. My future Sea Org bosses would pretty much scream, "knock off the case on post" if I became emotional about anything. I had to just plain stop being a kid with feelings.

OK, I agreed, I would willingly go back to CMO CW and work there, they needed me. I was rushed back to Clearwater. I was almost late for my plane. This is the time that I got a police escort to the airport. The external comm guy who drove me to LAX was speeding to make my flight. We got pulled over by the police and the officer was about to write a ticket. The external comm guy (sorry, forget his name) said SOMETHING to this officer that influenced him to get back into his squad car and say "OK, follow me" He put on his flashing lights and siren and he escorted us high speed to LAX. When I arrived at LAX, I didn't have time to ask, what did you tell this police officer??? I dashed out of the car with my luggage and ran to catch my flight. I saw out of the corner of my eye that the external comm guy got the ticket he originally was going to be given. Maybe it was some sob story about how my Mom in Clearwater was dying and if I missed my flight I might never see her again? It was SOMETHING. I was thrilled by the experienced and impressed with the external comm driver who made it happen. Would I too learn to influence others like this in the Sea Org to make things go right? Would I too, learn how to tell a lie to the police with a straight face and look of sincerity?


I arrived in CMO CW. I went back to my third floor dorm at the HOC. Peta Grafton and Roxanne Whittington were my room mates. There were some more off and on, but I forget who now. Since I had studied Third Class Mission School in PAC, I was sent on a project to find people who qualified for INT and the CMO, but specifically it was to find "Cine Messengers" for LRH. Jackie Delalez, my previous senior, was the In Charge of the project and I was the 2nd. LRH had written an evaluation of the Gold film crew around October of 1982, and part of LRH's handling was to create the "Cine Messenger Unit" of about 5 to 7 Commodores Messengers who would act as LRH's eyes and ears in the film crew, as Assistant Directors essentially. The qualifications were incredibly hard to match people up to. In fact, not one single person was EVER found to have all these qualifications. I wondered if LRH knew how "bad" the world had gotten, if maybe he was out of touch to think that people existed in the world with these kinds of qualifications. Shame on me, so early in my career in the CMO to have thought that LRH could have been "out of touch" or anything other than a super genious god.

We found a few people, kind of talked around some of the out-quals with good CSW writing and some, well, little white lies and the project was completed. It was no wonder I had some trouble with the subject of honesty later on in my life, it's not like I had the best examples to follow...

As Jackie's second on the project, I had to go through the letter writing files and write letters. I had to collate SO surveys, and last but not least, I had to start reading life histories...hundreds of them from all over the world. Starting with Flag and PAC. There was some semblance of a "Vets Return Program" in existence that I checked out, but not much. We even checked RPFers qualifications, for the future, for trades, or maybe for the GCT (the Gold Construction Team, a euphamism for the Gold RPF)

Now realize at this time that I was still 16 years old, I had not really had a great deal of guidance and advice in the area of sex. Reading these life histories was disturbing to me. I learned about fallatio, cunnilingus, anal sex & masturbation details. I learned that men would just write "I jacked off ____ times" but most women would describe what they did in much greater detail, explaining whether they had an orgasm or not and how they'd accomplished this. I learned that "heavy petting" and dry humping were considered "out-2D" if you were not married, after you'd joined the SO -- "Heavy petting" meaning touching someone's private parts while embracing. I learned about porno movie theaters, different sexual positions such as "doggy style". I read brief sentences detailing activities in group sex, sex with prostitutes, childhood rapes and molestations, sex with objects, sex while on drugs, sex with animals --- did you know that in New Zealand amongst the Maurie tribes that "cliffing" was not considered inappropriate behavior? "Cliffing" for those of you who don't know is when a man is with a female sheep and... near a cliff, whereupon the female sheep tries desperately to back away from the cliff. The man standing behind her benefitting from her thrusting away from the cliff and towards him... OK YUK, double YUK. I had some nightmares after reading that.

Now, I was kind of just verbally told what was considered "gross", an "out-qual" for staff, "abberated", "perverted", and "OK". Let's see if I can remember my impromptu sex education: Masturbation was considered "gross" and disrespectful but not really looked at as a disqualification for the Sea Org. Maybe, if "excessive", it was an out-qual for Int or the CMO. There was a guy in the Flag Bureau (was IMO, but changed to the FB when I was there) who had a night shift and he'd jack off while sitting at his desk sometimes. He actually got sent to the RPF for that. I just saw three stuck- up, judgmental women in the SO read the guys OW write up (from some kind of Danger handling misison into the FB) and say "OOOOH GROSS, send this guy to the RPF" and he was off to the RPF. What was on this poor guys RPF assignment issue, I have no idea.

I was told or it was implied that when reading Life Histories, generally speaking, if someone wrote nothing about their sexual history, it was considered that they were "hiding something" If they wrote a great deal, they were considered overly active and "stuck on the 2d" and there had to be evidence of auditing to "handle it". So I learned in Scientology that being very sexually active was considered wrong and that claiming to be not active at all was also considered an oddity and a "bad indicator".

There was one women who had screwed about 30 guys in one month while she was in college. I might be exaggerating, but it was a great deal of partners in a short period of time. She did actually go up to Int and is still there now. We got her personelle CSW approved because she'd had a good production record, had done up to OT 3 and had basically been celibate since joining the SO... so she was "handled". I only typed and collated and labelled things. I really had no idea what I was doing and how these life histories pertained to what was important about hiring and firing people. I did secretly wonder if other corporations, groups and religions did such a thorough inspection of the sex lives of their applicants, or if they had so many people read them, like new kids like me.

I learned that if a person did something homosexual after their OT Levels, that it was considered an "out-qual" for staff, as it was "out-ethics". If they had merely experimented in their youth before Scientology, it was not considered an "out-qual". If they were molested by an evil uncle when they were seven, then the "homosexual" incident wasn't considered an "out-qual". Now the "out-qual" of having done something homosexual as an OT could be petitioned if one bought some auditing to "handle it" and promised not to ever do it again. Actively homosexual, as opposed to "an experience" was a complete out-qual for both staff and Scientology. Oh and homosexual activities from men were frowned on more than from women.

There were some people who got disapproved for INT. I thought Celia Patrick was qualified so I proposed her and she was disapproved. I might have this story wrong, so I'm sort of fishing for anyone who might remember this and have more accurate info. I heard about this story through others on personelle lines and I was considerably confused by it. Also, If Celia is out now and wants to explain what happened, she can edit this and change this story to initials only. Here is why Celia got disapproved: Before Ron Norton became the Captain FSO, Brian Patrick was. His wife Celia spent some time being an auditor in the HGC. Apparently during one of her sessions, where she was running something on a PC, the PC crawled under the table and gave her oral sex and Celia didn't stop her. Now, that was a "no no" since it was a "homosexual experience" while on staff and while OT and while auditing. Three strikes. But Celia didn't go to the RPF for that! I think she just got a cram on engram running procedures! She did end up on the RPF much later, but I can't remember what for.

Now, this is what I am confused about. Why would an auditor with as much training as Celia had not be able to stop a PC from giving her oral sex under the table? Did she say, "OK, now run through the incident and tell me what happened.... " and then she wasn't allowed to say anything else to the PC after that? What the heck? Or was Celia lusting after this PC in the first place, had done this before and this time she got caught? She didn't know there was a video camera in her room that day or what? I was amazed at how she'd merely gotten her hand slapped for this when it was supposedly considered a triple "no no". It became very clear to me that there was a double standard, maybe a triple or a quadruple standard on the subject of ethics and behavior in the Sea Organization. If you were rich, good looking, sexy, had high paying PCs and connections... why you could f___ with your PCs and get away with it??? OK, she didn't entirely "get away" with it, she was disqualified for INT, but she wasn't taken out of the chair as an auditor for it and she kept that same PC too.

Another person who didn't get up to Int was Pilar. She apparently was a wild women AFTER her OT levels, she "slipped" with her morality and she had a girlfriend for a while. Now, I personally have nothing against homosexuals and I'm not homophobic, but I learned very quickly that L. Ron Hubbard was both against homosexuality and he was homophobic and judgemental. I was shown the Science of Survival chapter about how homosexuals were "1.1 on the tone scale" Pilar almost wasn't allowed to join the Sea Org at all, but I think her family, very rich, bought a bunch of "correction" for her and donated a great deal of money. So Pilar was able to join the SO and practically went straight to CMO CW where I believe she is still today?

I was given the impression that despite the "handlings" that Pilar had done for this apparent misbehavior, it was considered that she had done the grade chart "too fast" and so her entire bridge was suspect. Not just suspect for her youth when she got her grade chart, but because she was also Columbian, her foreign language auditing may not have been "quite right" --- and this is why I was told she would never go up to INT. Now, I want to clarify something. The whole story about how her grade chart was "not quite right" was to EXPLAIN away the "1.1" behavior later on! It was just weird. Let's just invalidate all this persons auditing because she grew up to be a sexy, passionate, good looking bisexual Columbian women by the time she was 18, DESPITE all her auditing!!!! No wonder I continued to have a "study bug" as a newbie SO Member, some of this shit would never make sense to me.

I learned to look for "outnesses" in life histories and case folders. For example, if the person had been on staff for a long time and had had to re-write their life history for any reason, I had to compare the two. Major differences between the two was an "outpoint". I had to read confessional reports and copy them for people who had gotten meter checked and/or given a "clearance security check" for Int. If a great deal of this life time items came up that had been left off the Life History, that was considered an "outpoint". If NO "whole track" came up in their auditing at all, that was also considered an outpoint case wise. It was considered not a good thing if the person had over 20 PC folders and had not gone CLEAR yet. It was considered weird if they only had one PC folder and was already CLEAR (at least until later when the HCOB about Past Life Clear came out) -- they could be a candidate for a very thorough PDH sec check.

If someone took drugs or became alcoholic AFTER becoming a Scientologist, well then they were a "revert" and were not qualified for the CMO or any INT organization. LSD was an out-qual ONLY if it was taken AFTER the Flag Order LRH had written about taking LSD was written. Oh, I mean for people who were already on staff. LSD was an out-qual for joining the SO, unless it was just once and/or it was questionable as to whether it was really LSD or not. If someone put "uh, I took 'something' but I don't know what it was" -- it was "OK" as long as it did not cause hallucinations. If they merely puked and passed out, that was OK. If a long term SO Member had a heavy LSD history and even shock treatment, they were not qualified for INT, UNLESS they had a "great" production record. Yes, there were a couple of people in the SO who had had heavy psychiatric histories, some that had joined the SO in the early days. One of them still in as far as I know. Burgess.

Well, it was kind of easy for me, as an air head kid back then -- to come up with the following conclusion: It really didn't matter a whole heck of a lot what was in the life history AS long as there was a "great" production record, "good" case progress AND there wasn't anything that invalidated one's grade chart (ie -- doing things that were considered wrong AFTER much auditing and training). I personally had no grade chart yet, I was just a kid, I'd collected a decent production record, AND so I figured that it was not that important to revise my Life HIstory. I thought that nearly all of my "out-quals" could be petitioned for Sea Org staff. So, no, I never got labelled a "revert" because I'd smoked pot after joining the Sea Org! Because I never told anyone. At least not until much later. I saw no point in it, besides creating a bunch of paperwork.

Wow, I'm running out of typing time today, but I want to at least write up to when I went up to Int, so I will quickly write some more what happened while I was in CMO CW so that this section of my story isn't too brief. Sorry if it seems terse.

After my project was finished, I worked for Janet Light when she was the CO CMO CW. Actually I started out as Jeannie Liccardi's Communicator. I'd take over from SL so that he could go into HCO CMO CW and man missions. He taught me some cool tricks. Like how to stand up on somebody's desk when demanding compliance and say, "if you don't get this done, your ass is grass!" I never tried that desk thing, but it was funny to have someone turn over their hat and have that as part of how to do the job! Jeannie got sent to Int for some kind of correction program and when she came back, she was Wendell Reynold's new girlfriend. How the heck did she manage that? So she was driving a new car that belonged to the Int Finance office. It was a cute little Honda Civic. A little sporty car with a great radio and a stick shift. Later on when both Jeannie and Wendell were "busted" --- I took over the use of the little Honda. Janet Light did some kind of big "ethics handling" on the Int Finance Office as one of her first actions of taking over as the new CO CMO CW.

Janet Light very quickly became the highest and most powerful executive at the Flag Land Base. No more confusions as to whether the Int Finance office or the Guardian's Office could out rank a CMO CW Messenger. CMO CW was the highest and that was it. So, at Janet's orders, I arranged for the little Honda to get sent to Motorpool and then I (on my own) asked to get it assigned officially back to me from Motorpool. I had fun driving that little car. I sometimes would volunteer to drive any staff from CMO CW or the FB who had kids out to the QI at night if they'd missed the bus. Just so I could crank up the radio and speed like a race car driver on the way back from the QI.

Janet called VA in RTC almost daily at first and as she got the hang of things, called less. I saw the phone bill. I knew that RTC was in Hemet and I knew the phone number. Janet told me it was "confidential" and I had to inform the person who opened the mail to not open the envelope for the phone bill. I got some brownie points for that, for kicking ass and taking names, and "getting in security". I didn't particularly see the whole point of it all, but I liked basking in the admiration that I could be stern and discipline others just as well as Janet could. I could be tough too.

There was a lice scare. :omg: A bunch of us CMO CW staff had to pile into a van with all of our laundry and get some special lice killing soap. I was the only one who could drive so I drove the van. SL needed to get his quarters from the FH, so I had to drive him there from the laundromat. It was 1 oclock in the morning. The streets of Clearwater were empty. Being an adventurous teenager, I started joking around and swerving all over the empty streets while SL hung out of the passenger window and sprawled part of his body across the front of the Van's windsheild. It was like something out of a movie. I thought it was hilarious.

The police did not think it was all that funny. I got pulled over. They looked at my license and then asked where I'd gotten the van. I said it was the Church of Scientology's van and that we were staff. I explained how we had to do our laundry because there was a problem with lice... the officer handed my license back to me and said , "the church probably would not want you driving the van like that" and he left. No ticket. I made it to the FH driving more conservatively, SL got his laundry quarters and we headed back to the laundromat.

When we arrived, there were three police cars in front of the laundromat and the lights on top of the cars were all flashing. Debbie K. came running out of the laundromat screaming "where have you been? It doesn't take that long to drive to the FH and back! We've been worried! " I thought, "Oh crap, the police changed their mind and came back to get me..." I imagined I was going to jail. Debbie then explained that some pervert had walked into the middle of the laundromat around 1:20 and had pulled his pants down and started jacking off in front of everyone. When Debbie asked him to leave, he refused, so she called the cops. He apparently was wanted for a number of crimes, so three cars came to pick the guy up at gun point.

Wow, so our presence in that laundromat that night helped the local police catch a crim perv. Glad to be of service to the community. Glad I was off driving SL and not at the laundromat when it happened!

Janet Light had this habit of screaming at people at the top of her lungs. It kind of made me cringe and I'd make some mistakes because I was distracted. Janet thought it would be a good idea to handle this kind of "PTSness" if I did the Running Program. Later called the Cause Resurgence Rundown Pilot. So, one of the first rundowns in my PC folder is a pilot program where I had to run around a bright orange pole 5 hours a day. I had to wake up at 4:30 in the mornings, get on a bus with an orange pole and go to Alligator park. I did this off and on for a month. Being young and strong, I actually enjoyed all the running and got kind of a runners high from it all! I also found it really extroverting. After this, Janet Light's screaming no longer made me cringe. In fact, I could actually smile and like her anyway. It's amazing what endorphines, a strong heart, and being more extroverted can do for one! She even screamed at ME and I was able to look right at her and say, "I'm sorry, it won't happen again" or patiently correct her if her anger was misplaced. I was able to keep my cool.

Sigmar Pietch, the new Cramming Officer in CMO CW was also able to help me deal with the confusions I experienced working for Janet Light. I realized through some of the things he had me study, why Janet screamed so much. It was non-compliance on the part of others to important targets. So if I helped to gain compliance before it got to the screaming point somehow, I could avoid such outbursts. Part of my job as a communicator. The Communicator Hat Pack did seem to help me to do my job better and keep peace at the office.

I did a few Missions in the middle of the year. One was with Gary Conley, the IG MAA from RTC to place MAAs on post in the FSO to do his new program. He put the MAAs under the Div Heads instead of HCO. Oh, many of them were ripped off from the Int Finance personelle pool, but I guess because the Int Finance office was in some kind of trouble, it didn't matter, or the MAAs were supposedly supposed to have somehow maintained their status as Finance Police AND be MAAs. It was kind of strange.

Later I had to redo the mission with Jesse Prince as the IC and we took all the MAAs and posted them in HCO under the Dir of I&R where they did standard Ethics Officer functions and quit harassing the staff with some of the things Gary Conley had trained them to do (stuff that he'd apparently done at Gold that made their stats go up) such as following around the staff in the mornings to make sure they didn't meander, spend too much time drinking coffee or chatting. The problem with this kind of policing of staff behavior is that the staff at Flag required some time and space to talk to other staff around them and drink their coffee. It wasn't like at Gold where you could just shout at somebody to "get busy" and they had something they could "get busy at" such as building a set wall. Dealing with public regularly is much different than dealing with set walls and cameras and tape machines. Social skills are required. Manners are required. Running to work and NOT stopping to chat and say Hi and be friendly with a public person sitting outside the HGC could cause problems. Not letting the Snr CS take a long stroll and drink his coffee could really reduce his moral and productivity. In fact, Gary Conley's program crashed the FSO's stats considerably. I alsmot got a Comm Ev with Gary, but I didn't because I was "new".

Jesse and I fixed it all up. I think Jesse returned some of the Int Finance staff too. Then the FSOs stats were Affluence afterwards. And I got my first ever Mission bonus for an Affluence Mission! A big whopping 125.00 that ended up getting stolen from my dorm while I was at the PAC Complex again in Nov 83 later.

I was put on another short project with MTJ and we had to go over the the FSO and find out exactly how many intensives of NOTs a list of 12 refund cases had gotten. There was some disputes about how much money these people had paid and how much auditing they had gotten. The NOTs HGC was a disaster. There was no admin system for us to check anything with. We actually had to go through all of the folders and look at the auditors reports ourselves to verify the numbers. Yes folks, I did go through NOTs folders on this project. I hadn't even done my Life Repair yet. I did see abbreviations such as "BT" and words like cluster with numbers after them. It meant nothing to me. I wasn't even curious.

These people on NOTs had disastrous lives. A few of them were severely chronically ill. They had strange problems in their lives that I wouldn't ever want to have in my own. I think back on it now and I imagine that these people were having great difficulties financially and were somehow trying to audit away their problems. My Mission IC MT, couldn't help but think that all these refund cases were stat pushes.

These weren't PCs who were trying to drown their problems with NOTS auditing, as I thought, these were people who were hard-sold NOTS and coerced into doing them. People who had no business being sold NOTs in the first place. They needed basic human care, like being told to stop smoking, stop cheating on your husband, stop spending your uncles money and get a job. Things like that. It was just nuts. One guy was going through a painful divorce because he'd been caught with a homosexual lover. Well, he goes to get auditing and guess who shows up at Flag not wanting him to be spending all his money on NOTs intensives!!! HIs soon to be X Wife AND his homosexual lover. Hey --- what the heck? This was Chaplin material. What was the Reg and the CS thinking? I stayed up for three nights in a row putting together this really accurate list for RTC, for VA so she could verify the amounts of the refunds and WDAH corrections. Guess what, almost all the public were correct with how much money they were owed for a refund. It was amazing how the PCs had kept exact count of their hours and money spent and the HGC had not.

Kind of around August or July 1983, the FSO started making a million dollars a week GI. I actually got to eat some steak at dinner times! Woohooo. I guess the refunds and unhappy public had just been water off a ducks back.

Oh, and I got my "Life Repair" auditing program from a Class 8 Inger Devries. It was pretty simple. I only had two sessions. She said recall some good times and recall some bad times a few times. I kind of recalled ridiculous things like times when I thought I'd blown up a planet a long time ago, millions of years ago. She accepted my answers. I enjoyed being allowed to imagine having once had such powers. It was easier to give her imaginary answers than to talk about my real life. There was something next to impossible when I was 16 and 17 about telling anyone about the rough times I'd had as a kid, when my Mom had tried to kill herself and I was in and out of foster care. I really could not go there mentally, yet those were the only rough times I had to talk about this life. So... I got to do my Life Repair talking about imaginary rough times that happened millions of years ago! And Inger was pleasant towards me and accepted whatever I told her. I guess I'd stated the EP, that I felt things weren't going to get worse, or something like that. And on top of that, I had evidence of "going whole track" in my PC folder. I know that would make me look good in a future personelle CSW for a promotion.

Around about the time I was starting to actually feel at home at CMO CW and I'd felt that I had made friends with the CMO CW crew, I was told by Janet that I was going to go up to CMO S (later changed to CMO GOLD) and I was introduced over the phone to Tina Oaks, a spunky young girl holding the HAS CMO S post. The plan was that I was going to become an M on D in the Watch Bureau. Apparently LRH was going to come back to the Gold base from wherever he was having to hide and he was going to need a set of fresh spanking new messengers, and I apparently had what it would take to become an M on D. Short for Messenger on Duty. So I left CMO CW. Peach actually cried after she took me to the airport. I was sad to go, since I'd felt a connection with the CMO CW crowd. Many of them would end up joining me eventually up at INT anyway, so I had no reason to feel sad. Janet would even join me for a while heading CMO S before she went off to the IASA.

Well, I know I probably left out some details, hopefully only minor. If I was friends with anyone out now who I didn't mention in this report, it doesn't mean I forgot about you! It just means that even though my story is really long, this is actually abbreviated!!! I know, hard to believe. It's funny what I remember about people. I remember that Sigmar's favorite plant is cactus. I remember that Nick Lekas liked to jog in the mornings. I remember when Ed Waguspak had a meldown. I remember when some kid Stacy from the SO EPF tried to kill himself. I remember when Debbie DeRosa blew from CMO CW and apparently took 3,000 from the Flag Crew's treasury area, or was it the FSOs? She bequeathed me with her awesome 90.00 tennis racket, which she'd left behind. I remember how upset Thomas Bourke was when his deafness disqualified him for CMO S, but was later happy when it didn't disqualify him for CMO INT.

I remember when Amy Alexander got in trouble for "borrowing" some of Marc Yaeger's money, cash that he'd sent to deposite in his account in Florida and she did the RPF for it. I remember how I was kind of tricked into ratting on SL and he had to do the RPF for "being an enturbulative source". I remember Spike Bush and his crude sense of humor. I remember Jeff Walker and how he didn't like being asked questions by dumb Messengers. I remember Annie Allcock and how she would cry all the time like she had some kind of hormone problem. I remember David Ziff and Toni Prybilski and how they smoked like chimneys and worked in the cave of a CS office full of smoke all day. I remember Pat Dimock and how she had a short arm. I remember the highly trained tech person who only had one arm. I remember Mick Davies and his son Kenny. I remember Stella Lufkin and her daughter Steph. I remembered Marj Hill and Chris Chaney from the ConfidentialKey to Life project. The list could go on for a while. I'd say 1983 was a pretty full year. I departed on a plane to California and my next trip to Clearwater would be as a videographer for the Gold video crew in 1987.
Well around November 1983, I arrived back in PAC. Pacific Area Control. Los Angeles. I love California, but I have to say that Los Angeles around the Fall has a very distinctive smell... not a very good one. The clouds and cooler weather have contained the smog inside the city and some raining and showers have mixed it all up into kind of a musky muddy smell.

I got a big whif of it as I arrived at the LAX airport. I inhaled and had mixed feelings. Feelings of being glad to be back in California, but also feeling like I was in the armpit of my great state. In the CMO PAC building (where Bridge is now) there was an office for HCO CMO INT liaison. I was going to CMO S (S for Special Unit, later changed to CMO GOLD--around late 1984 I think, and apparently even later in 2006 completely disbanded?) and HCO CMO INT was helping out.
The "shore story" (which is Sea Organization/para-navy slang for an apparent white lie to keep "security" in) is that Int and Gold were in two different places. In actuality, which I already knew, 19625 Hwy 79, Gilman Hot Springs, CA near Hemet was the location for Gold AND INT. Cheryl Sutter was there and she was dealing with some other youngsters on "clearance lines" as well. "Clearance lines" meant someone is waiting just before being moved out to Hemet, they are getting security checking and other things to make them look good on paper for those in authority approving the person's arrival to the Int base. IG RTC, Vicki Aznaran, I believe was the final approval person for those going to INT in 1983.
 
One youngster on her way up was Mandy Oaks. She was around 15 years old and had a very foul mouth and an attitude. Perfect for the CMO. I'm being sarcastic. I found her manners atrocious. I actually complained, but I was told, "she's just a kid, she'll get auditing while she does a lower post at first". A lower post? At Int? CMO CW Fitness Boarded out a boy, David for "being a kid" and here Cheryl was recruiting someone anyway who was just as much "just a kid". I must say I was perplexed at how whimsical and arbitrary things were despite having volumes of policy letters and Flag Orders and binders of * advices ( a term used back then to euphemise the fact that LRH was still ordering Sea Organization Members what to do and how to Manage the C of S) to follow. Another boy on recruit lines was Lowell Smith, a young guy who seemed rather clueless, and his sister. Man, they were YOUNG. I guess, the rule of needing to have finished school as a requisite had been somehow waived.

I found out that these youngster were "Scientology Kids" and so their parents were involved with Scientology and that made it less of a legal threat for them to get sent out to Hemet away from their parents. A year or so later, Lowel completely bombed out and had some kind of break down, had to get sent back to his parents right away. He'd got made the Qual Sec CMO S! He was only 14 years old! Lowell, if you are reading this, I sincerely apologize for dumping a bucket of ice water on you in your dorm when you showed up late for muster that day you were routing out. I didn't know you were routing out, I was just told to make sure everyone on the roll call list was at muster and you were on the list still for musters. I had been assigned to help on the CMO S Dir I&R position and I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING else until EVERYONE was up and on post in the morning. You were the last one and I was getting darn bored of being asked, " OK, so where is Lowell?" So I had to do something, it wasn't anything personal. Really sorry.

Now, while I was waiting in PAC for my final OK to go to the base, I had to get something special.... an Emancipation Proclamation, declaring me legally 18 even tho I was only 17.
 
So I hung out at PAC for a short time doing more errands (I learned how to polish boots..in the CMO PAC EPF area up in the 5th floor of the blue building complex. Many Commodore's Messengers had some really expensive leather boots, that needed to be hand saddle soaped and polished to a perfect shine and then waxed with clear wax. Very time consuming and messy at first, but I got the hang of it. The CMO EPFer who taught me was this cute Italian guy named Roberto P. I kind of tried to flirt with him but I got no response. Oh wait a minute... I would have been jail bait... so I guess he was actually a cool guy for not flirting back. I think I was told by Nettie not to hang out with him too much because he was getting fitness boarded out. But it was kind of hard not to hang out with the guy that I was working with all day long. What a weird request. I found out that many of the Int and ASI execs all had rooms on the 5th floor with a set of uniforms and shoes and all, so they could just come down when they needed to and it would be very convenient. I stupidly day dreamt and imagined that someday I too, would be an executive and have more than one room to myself with nice furniture and leather shoes all to myself, and other people doing my laundry and ironing my shirts....

Someone in HCO CMO INT, probably Janadaire, got a hold of an INT recruiter who was on project in San Jose, Larry Jacobs (who will unsuspectingly end up with me in the Camera Dept. at Gold eventually) and told him to contact my Mom and my sister to help get my Emancipation Proclamation all typed up and signed by my Mom and notarized. He must have been a real charmer because he got my Mom basically to sign away her rights over me AND he recruited my sista! What the heck! My sister later told me in a phone call that my Mom was so flustered after that incident that she lost her car in the parking lot and actually called the police and reported it stolen! When it was right where she had parked it.

Oh, I have to back up a bit. I don't know if I said this earlier, if I did, I'll repeat it. When in CMO CW, I had to do a "handling" on my step-father. He was upset that I had joined the SO and left school. He had never legally adopted me, so he couldn't just come and get me back, but he wanted to. He felt that Dianetics wasn't new and I could finish school and THEN study it if I wanted to...he just could not see the rush.
 
I was told that because he was "antagonistic", I was a "Potential Trouble Source" and I would therefore make no progress as a Scientologist and I would always be a loser on staff. Paraphrased of course. This made me very frightened. I was being told that my eternity was in danger. I hadn't really even gotten started, off the runway, as a Scientologist so to speak---- and my engines were puttering. Being that this was indeed the first time in my life that I had a major disagreement with my step-father and it just so happened to be about Scientology,
 
I figured that it was indeed something UNIQUE and troublesome that I must deal with right away. I wanted to FIX this "problem" that Peach and Jackie were very concerned about. I was instructed to write a letter to him. Actually I was TOLD exactly what to write. I think it was Peach who told me what to write, but I sometimes think of Peta when I recall this first "PTS" handling. Maybe Peta was involved somehow too before she got posted in the Programs Bureau. I wrote the letter out very carefully and with nice handwriting. I wrote my step father that I appreciated all his help since I was a little kid with my life and that I was now on my own doing my own thing and I expected him to respect my choice to join Scientology. I told him that I wouldn't talk to him anymore if he remained in disagreement with my involvement with Scientology. I sent the letter. I didn't realize that, in a way, it was a type of disconnect letter! My sister told me later that he read the letter and he cried and was very upset. I couldn't imagine my step father crying, he'd never done it, at least never in front of anyone, before.

Later on, in Portland in 1985, I would talk to him again, "good roads and good weather", and he would be kind of surprised, but happy. I had actually forgotten all about that letter! Since it was more dictated for me than from me, it was easily forgotten on my part. It was in my folder and that seemed to be all that mattered. To show on paper that the situation was "handled", not that I really had any clue what I was doing.

The term Potential Trouble Source would get used throughout my "career" as a Sea Organization member, mostly to intimidate me into disconnecting from my family and non-Scientology friends. "Scientology" isn't a principle cause, it's an instrumental cause. Someone USES what they think is a "Scientology" method or technique, like using a tool of some sort, to accomplish an end. A simple action such as walking around the block and looking at trees and the sidewalk to fix the exhaustion of being stuck at a fixed task for a long time, is categorized as "Scientology" because it is an idea in a book by L. Ron Hubbard. The fact that many people just like to take walks anyway and didn't read it in an LRH book gets overlooked. A Scientologist could say with vast generality, "I love Scientology, it has helped me" and they could just mean that they like taking walks when they get mentally exhausted and they are glad that they read about it in an LRH book. Now, I happen to have noticed that my Aunt and Uncle like to take walks and I've gone with them and I could have learned it from them. I didn't need to have this action labelled under the category of "Scientology" and I don't consider that I'm applying "Scientology" anymore when I take a walk. Within the term "Scientology" are all kinds of solutions to life's problems and, unfortunately, the second someone generalizes about which ideas they like and have used --- it also protects the ideas under that blanket term "Scientology" that can be very destructive, such as disconnection policy.

When celebrity X says she likes "Scientology" because she did the Purif and it supposedly helped her detox and she was able to conceive children when before she couldn't, she really means she liked using the sauna and vitamins and minerals and exercise and maybe some one-on-one counseling, if she got that, to resolve unknown barriers she'd had in conceiving children. She will be forever grateful for that and to her FSM for giving her the idea. She's hooked. But when she generalizes and says she supports "Scientology", she has no idea what she is supporting, she has no idea what is included under this umbrella of philosophies and life's solutions called "Scientology". There is the RPF program, there is disconnections, there is unusual punishments and sleep deprivation for staff members, there is a whole big black suitcase full of crap also under the label of "Scientology". The biggest problem with Scientology I see is that most "Scientologists" don't really KNOW what that word really means! Do they know about Fair Game? Do they know that DM practically owns that word? Well, I'm kind of digressing... started to get on that soapbox.. back to my story:

I finally got my OK to go "over the rainbow". I had dreams of meeting LRH. I was on my way to get trained to be one of his new messengers in the Messenger on Duty unit in CMO S. I had no idea he was in hiding from the law!! I thought he was just being "fabian", moving around to avoid getting "hit by SPs".

I got on the van and I admired the scenic drive. It was kind of early in the morning so I got to see the sun coming up as I was approaching Riverside County. Upon arrival, I was introduced to the Commanding Officer of CMO S, Julie. She was 16 years old. She'd recently taken on the new job. She seemed nice and polite and she actually smiled at me and shook my hand. I didn't think she would last very long as the Commanding Officer. She didn't.
 
I got taken to the Security Dept. which was near the eating area. The eating area was dirty with flys buzzing around. I was told that "the Gold crew were DBs (degraded beings)" and they didn't clean up after they ate, to explain the flys. But then I found out later that all the crew ate in the same dining area, so it was weird to blame it on "the Gold crew". It was the INt and CMO crew that left their tables dirty and expected the Gold crew to clean up after them!
 
Outside the Security office, I had to sign a piece of paper saying that I authorized the Security Mail Checker to open and check all of my mail. This was notarized. I also signed some piece of paper saying that if I disclosed the location of the base to anyone, I'd be subject to a fine of a million dollars. Wow. I was shocked much later when David Miscavige briefed a bunch of OT 8s on the Freewinds about where the Gold base was. I guess he never signed one of these agreements. Also later, the Security Mail Checker, saw fit to actually stop my mail and throw it away. I was mad about this because I'd said I'd only agreed for it to be opened and "checked", not opened and stopped.

After kind of doing most of my routing form into the CMO, I got taken to where my berthing would be, in the Old Gilman House. I was put into a dormatory on the second floor of this old house. It was kind of nice compared to the PAC dorm that I'd been in. It wasn't that crowded. There was a horse corral and chickens outside! I tried to walk around the front of Old Gilman House and the chickens started chasing me! They wanted to be fed. I enjoyed seeing the horses. I saw two of them there, there may have been three. There was no perimeter fence when I originally arrived at the base. I could actually wake up early in the morning and go jogging down the side of Highway 79, cross over and jog through the section of the property that used to be a golfcourse, then along the levy and back up and across to OGH. Probably about a 3 mile jog. And nobody chased me, it was fun. It was like being at summer camp.

My first assigned task was to learn how to clean in the Household Unit. Lola Rousseau was still in the Household Unit then. She was old but her hair was still red and she was still pretty spunky. I kind of thought of her as a really mean grandmother. She never actually yelled at me because I tried to be respectful, but I heard her yell at others who didn't treat her with respect and I didn't want to have that happen to me.
 
There were some other HU cleaners too. I think Paco was there then as a cleaner, Blandine showed up around this time I think too. I had to read an * advice about dusting”. It was written by someone else for LRH since I guess he didn't ever do his own dusting. I had to practice wiping a surface with a dust cloth, folding the dust cloth each time to keep the dust inside and then going outside and shaking it out. I really believed it was pretty stupid, but I went along with it and I got really good at it. I also got really good at using Rainbow vacuum cleaners. These were special vacuums that used swirling water underneath to create the suction, and then trapping the dust in the water. Thus preventing it from going out the exhaust at all. Despite this vacuum's ability to collect dust and keep it contained, I still had to keep the vacuum cleaner on the outside of the room and use a long hose around the room to clean with. If the Rainbow was in bad shape, the suction would be terrible and it would not clean very well. I tried to get the good vacuums for my cleaning assignments so that I would not flunk my super white glove inspections.

Also, in the HU area, I met Roanne, who had a nanny who drove her around to her piano lessons and ballet lessons and such in a stick shift powder blue van. I was jealous. I wished I could get ballet lessons. Her nanny had a big old German Sheperd Dog too. Wow, they were allowed to have pets! I immediately wrote to my sister and asked her to send me my cat Pineapple, a long haired tortoise shell colored Persian cat that I'd had since I was 7. She didn't send it right away, it was her cat too.
 
The Int base was the largest property I'd ever been on. All the old houses, the dining area, the Lodges, the Old Gilman House and the horse ranch, it was all unbelievable cool to me. I didn't see a worn down old golf resort, I saw my new home with of fun future of fixing it all up... There was even a slimy old lake on the south side of the property that could actually pass as a swimming hole. There were magnificently large cotton-wood trees all over the property. I fell in love with the trees and the bugs and the bees and the animals. I loved the cool crisp clean dessert air at night when I'd go jogging with a full moon. I loved when the sun rose and woke me up in the mornings. I even loved the noisy rooster that would start before the sun came up even. I loved being allowed to help groom and ride the horses on my exercise time in the mornings after morning muster. Janadaire's sister Kate helped me learn how to do this.

After learning how to clean LRH spaces and doing this for a while, I got my study assignments, these small checksheets for Messengers on Duty. I had to study how to touch type up to 70 words per minute on a manual typewriter. I was able to do this checksheet quickly because I'd already learned how to type in high school and on my own. Then I had to learn how to take notes, hold an ashtray, a gadget bag and a tape recorder at the same time and follow "the boss" around. Only I wasn't following HIM around, I followed Janadaire around or someone else who was good an immitating LRH and making sure we were able to do all these tasks sufficiently well. Our goal was to "keep all distractions off of LRH's lines" so that he could do his research and write. That meant that if he put his fingers up in a V shape, I had to notice and be quick and stick a cigarette into it and light it. I had to be smooth about it and not drop my note pad or my bag with his sunglasses, sunscreen, extra notepads, asbestos gloves for touching hot lights on the Cine sets with, etc. I found this next to impossible to do, so I often got "Messenger!" screamed at me by the person pretending to be LRH. The whole thing also often just made me burst into uncontrollable laughter...

My job duties started to expand into some minor management tasks where I had to help run programs into the HU area and sometimes Gold. Tina Oaks got transferred from HCO and made the MonD I/C, Messenger on Duty in charge. She was about 15 I think. She was my new boss. She was pretty good at giving lip service. So when I was busy cleaning the offices, she would be outside reporting to Shelly M. or Janadaire or someone else about what progress we were making on our tasks. One of the programs I helped on was the LRH Space Set Up program. This program was based on the idea that LRH was going to come to the base soon, as soon as Special Project Ops (DMs title before he invented the title COB) gave him some kind of "the coast is clear". I assumed that meant when the Space Set Up Program was done. But it wasn't. I suppose I should have known that LRH was wanted for legal actions against him, that he was kind of on the lamb. But no one told me that!


Also going on at the same time was the "Clearsound" project which was getting all the sound lines working and sounding good. I didn't help that much on this project. Only a little, later on, I'll get to that part later.
 
In the Space Set Up Project, I was assigned tasks to do such as handywork tasks in all the offices to make them odorless. I had to Z-lac any bare wood in any cabinets that were in the space. Several coats, with drying in between. I think that Z lac is now illegal due to its chemical composition, but it was kind of a varnish that dried quickly if not put on too thick. Several coats were like a clear plastic coating and no bare wood smell could escape a coating of Z lac. I did not use any protective clothing or filters over my nose and mouth. It was like sniffing glue, the fumes. I got pretty buzzed after each cabinet I did. My hands would get caked with it at the end of a day. I'd just let it dry and then peel it off. I had to be careful not to peel off any layers of my own skin with it. It was really sticky. I tried to get gloves for it, but I was told that if I got Z lac all over the gloves, it would "ruin" them, so I didn't use gloves. I guess they were "too expensive" !
 
 
Another task I was assigned to do was to get a carpet steam cleaned. It was a special purple carpet for the room in the Upper Villas that was LRH's office, it had kind of an Egyptian motif. Barry Stein had designed it. Purple carpet, beige kind of sandstone/marble looking formica cabinets, some hierogliphs in a tapestry on the speaker stands. I think this room might have been called the A/V office because there was a very impressive collection of equipment racks with the latest and greatest Hi Fi audio equipment installed. All with an Elgar AC Line conditioner to keep the power clean, and some kind of surge protector so there was no HUMMING. Humming was a catastrophe. In fact, I think that's were "Clearsound" partially came from, the term I mean, most of the work that DM and John McCormick and Jon Horwich (when he wasn't too busy on the RPF doing A to E), MF and others, did to get rid of hum and buzz on the audio lines required certain pieces of equipment in certain places and certain kinds of really well insulated cables, etc. It all made the sound "Clear". I also learned how to get rid of mildew. Oh my god, I just realized I left out a funny story...

When I was flying from CW to PAC earlier, I had been given a project by VA, relayed to me by Janet Light, of smuggling 22 bottle of Everclear into California. This is 100 proof alcohol! It's illegal in California, so I had to buy a couple of cases of it in CW and stick them in my luggage and in the luggage of other SO Members and/or Scientologists travelling back to Los Angeles. I finally got to find out what the Everclear was being used for. Mold and Mildew abatement! And even some cleaning in certain areas where other cleaners could not be used.
 
I was under 21 so I had to bring Wendy Fatoric, my replacement as CO CMO CWs comm with me to help me pick up the bottles! I just walked in with my little non-profit card, so I wouldn't have to pay the sales tax, said it was for cleaning purposes only and walked out of the liquor stores with a couple cases (about 22 to 24 bottles if I recall correctly). I finally got to put some of this to use. I would inspect wood areas of an office, such as under a sink for example, and if there was a black or grey spot that smelled like mold, I would spray it profusely with Everclear and then point some UV lights at it. Most of the time, the spots had already been singled out by Janadaire, but I did get to find my own mold spots to fix too. To be honest, I don't know if this actually really worked. I had to Z lac over it later anyway, but I imagined that it worked. Janadaire seemed to think it had. If the Everclear didn't kill the mold, it certainly got really drunk!

Well, I got moved out of the Old Gilman House 2nd floor and put into room 89 in the Lower Lodges. I turned over my "rat catching hat" to someone else who stayed in one of the first floor dorms. I basically had a few rat traps I'd set up at nights under some of the beds down stairs. There was always a mouse or small rat caught in the traps each night. It was sad, but I couldn't stand the sounds at night of the rats scurrying around, so I had to put out the traps.
 
 
2nd floor OGH was reassigned as CMO INT and Exec Strata only. Eventually the room I was in would become Suzette Hubbards with Guy, but that was a couple years down the line. Us lower CMO S people had to move out. The new room I got moved to, it was a single motel like room with one bathroom and one vanity area. It had four sets of bunk beds three beds high. I had to share a dorm with 12 other girls. Mostly younger than me, but some a little older. I hated it. Tina and some of the other girls would stay up late and dance to Madonna songs. Mandy snored. Someone ALWAYs had stinky feet. Getting out of bed in the mornings was difficult because there was only this little tiny square of space in the middle of the bunks to stand in. I had to wait my turn to get down into the tiny square of space and make it to the shower. When a new recruit showed up and I had gotten my berthing card taken, I was actually happy to grab my sleeping bag and find a spot on the floor somewhere in a quiet, empty office space. Oh, OK, it wasn't ALL bad. There were times where it was kind of fun being packed into a room with some sometimes funny teenagers.

I guess euphoria and summer camp was wearing off some. The "Team Share" card system was really bizarre. I was given five little colored plastic cards and a star. I was told not to take them off the property, to only use them while "on base". It was a Treason assignment if I had them on my person while in PAC or CW. Now, I was told that the Social Card meant that I had a right to watch movies on the weekends or attend staff party's if they were available. I was told that my Social Card also entitled me to a day off every other week. If only this little blue card also got my CSWs for libs approved too!
 
Alas, merely HAVING the card was NOT enough. One must have post coverage AND senior approval to be off for one day in two weeks AND the entire organization had to be above Normal condition. Most of the time, this Social Card was valueless, the accompanying star mainly used as some kind of status symbol. There was a Bonus card which entitled me to a bonus if they were handed out. They were hardly ever handed out. This card was useless-- except for days when I locked myself out of my office, then that little plastic card was useful for getting the latch open on the door.
 
 
 
I was given an Allowance card so I could collect my allowance each week. This card had some use, however, there were years where it too was useless. Other factors precluded being paid besides not having possession of one's Allowance card. I was given a Chow card which meant I could eat the meals. If I didn't have it, it would be rice and beans. I was given a Berthing card which entitled me to sleep in a bed in a berthing space. If I didn't have it, I had to go to "pigs berthing" which was not really an official place for the CMO people, so it really just kind of meant finding some floor space somewhere in one of the many large buildings to sleep at night. I was also handed this really LONG list of all the reasons why the punishment of "losing a card" was handed out and a very short list of why they'd get handed back. Also, if I was assigned "lower conditions" below Liability, I had to do "amends" which was usually some form of manual labor.

Well two or three times in 1984, I had to go do manual labor for "amends". It was called "doing MEST WORK". It was meant to be therapeutic to get out of the office and do this once in a while. Despite having my senior get mad at me and scream "Go do some F_____g MEST Work!", I actually really enjoyed it. When I was young and perfectly healthy, I could say that it indeed was therapeutic.
 
 
The RPF was called the "Gold Construction Team" back then. Still had black T-shirts, but there were some non RPFers working on writing the projects and supervising. Some of them were not even in the Sea Org! They eventually became Sipro, doing construction projects with the Sea Organization RPF work crews and also organizing non-SO workers as well. The entire Music Studio was done this way with RPF and pre-SIPRO and regular construction workers all working together. Since the GCT had such important construction projects going on, the non RPF deck workers aka ME, got to work WITH them. So I got to meet some RPFers and work with them. They were fun and friendly towards me. I didn't really know what they were on the RPF for, but I didn't care. I learned how to lay cinder blocks, prepare forms for concrete pours, sand and finish cabinetry, lay tiles and grout them. I met Tony Sheriff on the GCT and Kate (was Conley back then) who I liked and got along with. She was an Australian.

I never really learned how to flap my lips about programs and targets and attend meetings and keep executives updated etc., I felt far more productive getting stuff done with the GCT crew. Getting something painted or patched up, getting something new built. I had this feeling of accomplishment because this place was (I thought) my HOME and I liked making it look nicer and have more useful buildings. Feeling like my work was some kind of "investment" in my future home, was mistaken. Cleaning was OK once in a while, but most of the time, I felt like I was cleaning an office for no reason. It was cleaned the day before, nobody had used it, why the heck clean it again the next day?

Now because I was such a good woiker, I got assigned to the Laundry team. When LRH's laundry came to the base in a van from Creston, where LRH was ( I didn't know he was there, I just knew the approximate time it took the van to come up and back, it wasn't hard to guess in the Santa Barbara area), to us --- the Laundry Team was put into action. It was like our Watch Quarter and Station Bill Assignment, "Condition One Laundry" --- the best laundry doers were gathered together for 48 hours of washing LRHs clothes! So that they could all get stuck on the van and driven back out to LRH.
 
 
There were about 7 of us youngsters and we lined up near this trough with large 10 gallon plastic containers. The containers were filled with this special filtered water. Then we washed each piece of clothing by hand in some special laundry soap. I think it was rugged red and "Granny's" or just "Granny's". It was totally odorless and left no residue. Well, not after we rinsed each piece of clothing 7 times. We'd wash each item. Then dump out the soapy water. Get new fresh water into the container. Dip, rinse, dip rinse, empty again. Fill up with water, dip rinse, dip in and rinse again. No ringing of the item was allowed, didn't want to squeeze the material at all. LRH didn't like that. The fibers of his clothes could not be traumatized by excessive abuse. Not even the rugged cotton flannel shirts! Especially not his silk socks! Heaven forbid that the item of clothing would lose it's shape in any way.
 
 
Now us teenagers late at night and sometime wet and freezing cold, tried to make the best of the situation. We found that it was actually kind of fun to do the repetitive washing and rinsing tasks to music! We played Michael Jackson music loudly on a boom box and kind of rinsed and washed to the rhythm. Once the item of clothing had been hand rinsed many times, it was placed on a plastic hanger --- no WIRE hangers allowed! They were bad for the clothes, so too were wooden hangers, because they smelled like wood. Plastic hangers only. And the clothes were hand pressed, no IRONING, the clothing items had to hang to dry in a sunny space. Sun and fresh air and some heaters that didn't smell. If dust got into the heaters, they smelled like burnt dust and might impart that smell to the drying clothes. So we used air compressors to clean out the heaters of any dust. Then let them run for a while to make sure they didn't smell.
 
 
 
Man if his clothes didn't smell super fresh and clean, I don't know what did. And with the vibes of a bunch of dancing teenagers that made the whole thing into a party imparted to those clothes... it had to be a spiritual experience for LRH to get his laundry done like this! What human being alive exists today who can even AFFORD to have a team of people stay up for 48 hours to hand wash and dry their personal laundry? In Specially filtered water and specially ordered soaps? And if such a human being did exist who could AFFORD this, would they actually have it done? Maybe someone in the oil business?

Now, as part of my cleaner hat, I had to study * advices about how perfumes that used coal tar as a base, such as synthetic ROSE perfume, were invented by evil psychiatrists on the whole track to confuse the senses and confuse people. That's why we had to use the special soaps and really rinse well. Those darn psychiatrists were trying to distract LRH with perfumed detergents!

I got my first failed mission somewhere in here, around late 1984. I had been fired on a Mission as the second down to PAC to sort out PURL. It was Ron's Purchasing and Logistics Unit. There were about 5 people there. A couple of them were not doing their jobs at all. Some of them were. There was one guy who regularly purchased items for the Film and Equipment Unit and there was little problem with him. There was another guy who, I don't even know what part of the Household Unit he helped do purchasing for. I think he was some kind of internal guy who bought stuff for the unit itself. He got offloaded because he did not do very much. Then there was this ex-army guy who, in the middle of a sec check with Gelda Mithoff, blew and stole some money and a car to make his get away.
 
 
 
We were recalled after that. I was sent to do deck work again, but this time it was on a special project. I had to help JM on the * Container Project. LRH's personal belongings were being stored in a set of 7 containers. Large 10' by 30' containers, or wider in some cases. The book/library container had rows and rows of bookshelves filled with every book LRH ever owned. Many of these books were moldy. We had to salvage the ones that could be salvagable. We sprayed them with alcohol and put them out in the sun. When there was no sun out, we used UV lights. There were about four of us, daily for months, going through each container and cleaning and de-molding/mildewing the book or item and carefully inventorying the book or item, wrapping it up in approved smell free plastic, and then putting them into trunks.
 
Special trunks that we had to Z-lac thoroughly the insides of so that there was no odors. Hundreds of trunks of junk. Gifts from people all over the world, photo frames, little paper weights, paintings, tiny statues, items that LRH had collected over the years in his travels. It had to be precisely described and wrapped up so that it could be found again. In case LRh said, "Hey, you remember that wooden fisherman statue from South Africa? Put that in my office in Johannesburg..." We'd be able to find and use it. Or... if an LRh space got renovated and new decorations were needed. Things that actually belonged to LRH were available to be used. He had an enormous amount of stuff! Ironically my twin sister is probably in charge of all this stuff now, because she still works out at the base taking care of the LRH spaces.

There was this other container that I found that was full of old files from the base. It looked like old, 70's, Pers and Ethics and some PC files. When Larry Wollersheim was suing the C of S around 1985, I was assigned to help go through all the files and find anything with Larry Wollersheim's name on it. I was told verbally by the person running the project that the files with his name on it were going to get burned and destroyed, but I actually did not see this happen.
 
 
 
There was also a list with other people's names. Anyone who had been declared a Suppressive Person, such as Gerry Armstrong. I remember finding some of Mark Yaeger's and David Miscavige's old files. I turned them in like a good staff member, but I snuck a peak at them too! I saw that both DM and Mark had plenty of Comm Ev's and lower condition assignments. That DM had to do some "PTS" handlings too. It made me feel better to know that these two were human and got into trouble too when they were younger messengers. I looked forward to the day that I would be all growed up like them and no longer having to do PTS handlings and lower conditions so often...

Sometime mid 1984, I was transferred from the Messenger On Duty unit to the Cine Messenger Unit. I got my picture taken in a stupid checkered shirt, that looked like a race track flag, and a red cravat and had it sent up to LRH so he could see my mug, his new Cine Messenger. I was Cine Messenger MS. I still helped on laundry, but I had some new errands I had to do for LRH.
 
 
 
I had this one project where I had to make copies of movies off of TV or make a copy of a rented video. Put them into a bankers box with photo copied summaries of each show on paper in the top of the box. I eventually turned this over to Tina Oaks, the MonD IC. It was more of a personal errand for LRH than the duty of a Cine Messenger. I was amazed at how many video tapes LRH could zip through in a week. He compiled a list of movies and shows that were authorized by him for the film crew to watch as part of their training. He authorized movies like Silent Running with Bruce Dern as a good movie to view to see how movies get made. He banned anyone from watching the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He recommended the foreign movie DIVA and suggested the Gold crew watch in after reading his new advice called CINE IS PIX. Oddly enough, in my History of film class, I found a newspaper article written BEFORE LRH had written his CINE IS PIX advice that almost said most of the same thing. I wrote down the name of the article. One of these days, I'm going to get my own copy of this article and send it to the L. Ron Hubbard Library and ask why LRh didn't acknowledge or write a footnote about the author he'd copied from.

I had to learn how to observe the Cine film crew, while wearing my stiff and uncomfortable and scratchy race track flag shirt, and take copious written notes about their behavior. I had to note specifically anyone treating me or the other Messengers rudely or trying to brush us off. I had to note anyone complaining or nattering. I had to note anyone not doing their jobs well, note anyone who were doing their jobs well. I had to note all kinds of things. I hand wrote my notes on yellow lined paper, then at night, I had to type up a summary and "proposed handlings" of any problems I'd noted. I could not just say " The Cine Film crew got nothing done today". I had to propose a HANDLING for it. There was never any evidence to me that LRH even read my "proposed handlings". I am pretty sure he just read the notes.
 
 
 
One note I and some of the other Messengers had made was that the film crew were up at 3AM having a meeting one night. LRH sent down a five page advice about what the Cine film crew's schedule should be. It was entitled "Department Head Conferences" and it revolved around what conferences needed to happen and when, and when shooting was done, when preps were done and when study was done. This one issue I actually found to lessen confusion and increase production incredibly. Unfortunately, it left out that it clashed with the other advices LRh had written about study times and renovations day for the base as a whole and this clash would last an infinite amount of time and be the subject of local issues and changes for years to come. If only LRH could have remembered his weekend renovations day advice and included some kind of reference to that, such as, the film crew are not included in renovations day OR, there will be renovations day only every OTHER weekend or SOMETHING.
 
 
 
I got pretty good at staying up late and still being able to type! But, after the adventure of it all kind of wore off, I actually really hated doing this. I did not want to be a Cine Messenger anymore. I hardly slept at all and I wasn't doing much of anything in my opinion. I wanted to learn how to make films and help get them made, not be some kind of spy note taker. I couldn't tell anyone that I was not enjoying being a Cine Messenger because the only way OUT of the Cine Messenger Unit was through the RPF. It was strict because this unit was considered such an important unit. LRH's "Assistant Directors" to get the vital Tech and public films produced. The problem is that we spent so much time taking notes and sending them to him, and running programs from RTC's LRH Personal Battle Plan Programs Ops, and the Programs Chief CMO INT that we hardly had any time to actually study and learn about film making so we could be more useful. At least I didn't anyway. I can't vouch for all the Cine Messengers. There were five of us. I think one, Sharder, got all his study checksheets done, but he was mostly involved in Program running and management stuff because he had more training in and experience with this than any of the other Cine Messengers.

OK, I think I've made it up to 1985, the year of my first Purification Rundown, the year I finally hit puberty --- kind of late at age 19 -- but hey, better late than never! I finally stopped being flat chested! And some other things, had to start using tampons and stuff.
 
 
 
Let's see, 1985 was also the year of Portland! I was sent out to Portland to help with the Event set ups. I didn't do much besides hang out and watch and drive around sometimes trying to find things like mic stands, extra paint, a tape recorder for the musicians. Things like that. It was amazing how busy I was at walking around doing not much. I later got involved with assemblying all the video footage for Ted Horner, who was editing the video footage of Portland. I spent many hours simply watching and logging video tapes. I had a nice hotel room and food. Most people in portland had to sleep in tents or the floor of the Portland Org, or out at Delphi. Not me, I had some decent places to sleep.
 
 
 
My step-father came to visit me in Portland. His family was in Eugene and so he stopped by on a family trip to see me. I was really happy to see him. I gave him a big hug. He took me and my brother to a local national park, I think it was Multnomah falls. We both instantly fell asleep in the back of the car on the way there. We were exhausted. My little brother was a "Celebrity liaison" and he was constantly running back and forth and relaying messages to some of the celebritys and/or their assistants about what was going on and where they were needed and when. I think he even had a beeper, made him feel important. It was happy to see my brother again. He'd grown taller since I'd left him in Clearwater and his voice was deeper. I wished I could have brought him back with me to Gold. I'd missed him.

Well, I hope I am not boring anyone with too many details. I'd hoped to get farther than 1985, but the memories kind of just flooded into my head. Tomorrow I should have to some time, for real to make another chapter. Thanks for reading. Sorry for the typos. My editor is on vacation somewhere...
 
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