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My Doubt Formula

19 April 2003 by Michael Tilse

I have had my troubles over the years and I need you to read this sincere statement of opinion and belief written with trust in the creed of the Church and the philosophy written by L. Ron Hubbard:

I have been frozen in the midst of an uncertainty since the early 1990s. This acute doubt came about because I thought I had observed within the Church of Scientology a refusal to apply standard policies about justice that were written by the author L. Ron Hubbard. These observations occurred during an effort to put ethics in on a former employer and Church member who committed a crime and suppressive act against me. These events seemed so contrary to what I had studied when I was in the Sea Org and on various courses composed of L. Ron Hubbard’s policy writings that I became despondent and upset.

Being in this doubt condition I sought answers to how these things could have occurred and answers to questions about other events related to L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology that did not make sense to me.

I tried to resolve these questions and my condition of doubt over the years and I paid for and received over 25 intensives of Sec Checks, FPRD and PTS Rundown counseling at AOLA in trying handle any personal issues that were making it persist. I was also trying to get onto L. Ron Hubbard’s advanced counseling levels.

I have come to realize that I have never actually resolved the doubt condition and that all my Church counseling and training, including much of the KTL and Life Orientation Courses, was done while I was in an unhandled lower condition of doubt despite myself having tried sincerely to find out the answers. So I have addressed it.

In accord with working my way through the condition formula to resolve this, as L. Ron Hubbard set it down, I now have to inform both sides of my decision. Since my behavior over the years may have caused you upset or concern, out of my care for you I have to put it here in writing.

The first thing I must tell you is that I have decided who my friends are: My friends are any and all those who care for and love people and who sincerely act to help and support themselves and others. These are people of good will. These friends include many who study the applied philosophy written by the man L. Ron Hubbard and many who do not. My friends have good intentions toward other people and this results in their honesty, willingness to communicate, willingness to look for truth,a sense of fair play, a sense of right and wrong and a sense of justice. By my own personal creed, I truly wish you well. And I wish to continue communication with you, my friends.

I have had over 27 years of association with the philosophy written by the man L. Ron Hubbard. He called it Scientology and said it was an applied religious philosophy. Since October 1975 I have studied various aspects of this philosophy and tried to understand its nature and apply its lessons to my life. During that time I have had some significant positive experiences and life changing results from this study and application. During that time I have also applied this philosophy to others with happy results both for them and myself. I trust these experiences and results and I intend to continue with my study and application of this philosophy.

I have taken to heart many aspects of L. Ron Hubbard’s Scientology philosophy. One aspect of this is that he said Truth is the exact time place form and event. A lie is an alteration or omission of the exact time place form and event. Another part I have taken as my own is that L. Ron Hubbard insisted that only his original writings compose the Scientology philosophy and that altered versions of his writings or the writings of others issued under his name must not be done and in fact must be rooted out and destroyed. That the sacred duty of every person who sets out to follow Hubbard’s philosophy is to make sure these writings are kept pure and unaltered.

From my personal acceptance of this philosophy I have applied the doubt formula to things I have been able to observe for myself.

The doubt I experienced was caused by individuals at six levels of the Church of Scientology structure refusing to apply the justice policies written by L. Ron Hubbard. One or two could have been explained as individual out-ethics. I could not believe that it would occur all the way up to RTC unless something was seriously wrong.

Such a possibility set up an extreme conflict within me. If such a simple thing as standard justice actions were being rejected, then perhaps it was only an indicator of far greater out-ethics, perhaps at the International or RTC level. Yet this was the Church I had been in for many years, had supported and that I hoped would deliver me onto my advanced counseling.

The actual activity of Bill Goode, AOLA, LA WISE Charter Committee, WISE INT, International Justice Chief for Reports and Reports Officer Religious Technology Center in my case was to refuse to apply L. Ron Hubbard’s justice policy letters. This was contrary to the written statements of the purpose of these organizations.

Further observation of intention and activities occurred when I wrote up questions I had about the events surrounding L. Ron Hubbard’s death. I had been in the audience at the Hollywood Palladium in January 1986 when David Miscavige of the RTC announced L. Ron Hubbard’s death. He said that L. Ron Hubbard had been in excellent health before his death, that he had gone as far in his philosophical researches as he could with a body and that he had walked over to his bed, lay down and discarded the body so he could do further research without it. Other things were said by Pat Broker, LRH’s aide at the time of his death and he was not contradicted by David Miscavige. Others also spoke, creating the impression through specific statements that LRH had gone on to higher spiritual levels and had left the church in the hands of Pat Broker and Annie Broker and David Miscavige. There was an issue of KSW news that came out shortly after this event which put many of these statements in writing for Scientologists. It included an image of the supposed Flag Order LRH wrote.

Then later I read an issue from David Miscavige which discredited Pat Broker as having been involved in out-ethics and which canceled the purported last Flag Order LRH wrote that appointed Pat and Annie Broker “Loyal Officers”. This raised questions in my mind because whereas before I had been somewhat comfortable with the explanations given at the Palladium event in 1986, I felt that I didn’t know what was true and what was false now that Pat Broker had been discredited. For a long time I had suppressed this uncertainty, but the other events described above awakened this problem in me and I felt I had to resolve it if I was to be honest and straight and fully committed to progress in Scientology. I was back on the LOC in March 1997 when I wrote this:

*Begin letter*

Norman Starkey,
Trustee, LRH Estate
Care of: Author Services International
1710 Ivar Street
Hollywood, CA 90028

Dear Mr. Starkey,

I would like to introduce myself to you. My name is Michael Leonard Tilse. I have been a Scientologist since October 1975. My case state is Clear and I am a Sponsor of the IAS. I am currently on the Hubbard Life Orientation Course at the Advanced Organization Los Angeles.

While doing the Repair of Past Ethics Conditions on my first dynamic, I have realized that I have some questions that I need to get answered regarding Ron's passing. I have had these questions for a while and by not getting them answered I have had a barrier to my own progress up the bridge.

Some of my attention has stuck in this area and I have also been afraid to address my questions to anyone in the Church for fear that I would be considered disaffected. So it has created a problem for me. But as I am sure you understand, the LOC has a way of ensuring the confront of problems heretofore studiously avoided.

I discussed my need to clear up these questions for myself with my course supervisor, David Berman. He suggested that you would be the person who could best answer my questions or direct me to the correct publications. Hence this letter. It would help me greatly if you would assist me in getting this resolved.

The essential reason I have these questions is that the existing account, (That I am aware of.), of Ron's passing does not make complete sense to me. I was at the event held on January 26,1986 at the Palladium in Hollywood where Ron's passing was announced. David Miscavige, yourself, Mr. Cooley and Pat and Annie Broker spoke there, among others. Shortly thereafter there was an issue of KSW News, (If I recall correctly.), which covered what was presented at the event, including the "Admiral" Flag Order. I also attended an event at LA Org. where Jeannie Bogvad spoke, giving some more information.

It was my understanding from these events that Ron had deliberately departed this life at 8:00pm on January 24, 1986. It was made clear, at least to me, that he knew he was going and planned to go and did so at a specific time. It was also clear that it was not because of illness or accident, but because he had to go to continue his research that could not be done while holding onto a mest body.

Some time after that, the "Admiral" Flag Order was withdrawn or canceled and there was an issue of some kind that Pat Broker had been involved in an unethical situation. This gives rise to my first question:

1. If the "Admiral" Flag Order was written by Pat Broker to aggrandize himself, and not written by Ron, then to my knowledge Ron did not write or speak any direct communication to Scientologists coincident with the time of his passing. This is just impossible for me to believe. One thing that I observed about Ron is that he was always in communication with Scientologists. I just cannot understand that if he knew he would be going, why he would not have issued a "Ron's Journal" or a written message for all Scientologists that assisted us to understand. Such a communication would be in his writing or in his voice so that there would be no doubt. So these two datum don't align: Ron knowing he was leaving and doing it at cause and deliberately and there being no personal message from him for Scientologists.

To my understanding, two things could be the case here: There WAS a communication from Ron at the time of his passing, but I missed it somehow or there was no communication because something happened other than what has been reported. So I need to be directed to that communication if it exists and I need to know the actual events and circumstances. My other questions involve what I need to know about the actual events and circumstances given that what Pat Broker presented is evidently not true.

2. The specifics of Ron's passing:
A. When was the first communication that Ron was dying or going to leave?
i. This would be the specific comm that indicated his passing would occur within hours days or weeks, not his general messages as to him not always being here on guard and the like.
ii. What was the communication?
iii. Who was it directed to and what happened then?
B. Where was he when he died?
C. What was the exact time of his death?
D. What was the actual cause of his death as listed on the death certificate?
E. Did his body fail or did he deliberately leave?
F. Who was physically there with him at the time he died?
G. Were others called by Ron to be there with him at the time he died?
i. Who was called?
ii. How long before he died were they called?
H. How long before he died did he indicate he knew that he was going to leave January 24, 1986?
I. Who signed the death certificate?
J. Why was there no autopsy?
K. Were you there at the time of his death?
L. Did he leave any personal message for his family in the hours or days before his death?
M. Is there any possibility that Ron was murdered?
N. Is there anything about the circumstances of Ron's death that is or would be embarrassing to the Church?
O. Is there anything about the circumstances of Ron's death that is in conflict with the public record and position of the Church or Ron's writings?

I have further questions that are specific to what Pat Broker and Ray Mithoff said at the Palladium event.

3. Questions related to Pat Broker's presentation.
A. What was true and what was false about Pat Broker's comments?
B. What was the out-ethics situation that Pat Broker was involved in?
C. Was the presentation of the supposed OT X "date" true or a fabrication by him?
D. What about the supposed "leaving the body" instructions of OT XV?
E. Was Pat Broker a "plant"?
F. How was it that Pat Broker was believed about the "Admiral" F.O. and the other things he said until after the event?

4. Related to LRH's materials.
A. Given that Pat Broker was supposedly not authorized to access LRH's materials, did he do anything to harm them or alter them or destroy them?
B. Are we sure that ALL of LRH's OT materials were recovered?
C. Who has custody of LRH's upper OT materials and research now?
D. Is it evident from the materials we have that they are complete? How would we know if they are not?
E. Did Pat Broker or other persons make or receive originals or copies of LRH's materials?

5. Misc. questions.
A. I have seen no photos of Ron from 1985 or 1986.
i. Are there pictures of Ron toward the end of his life, at the Creston ranch?
ii. Why haven't they been published?
iii. Did he look strange or different or very old?
B. Will photos from this time of Ron's life ever be published?
C. Was "Excalibur" ever recovered intact? Will it ever be published?
D. Where can I get the true story of what happened to Quentin Hubbard?

As you can probably tell, the whole thing with Pat Broker has brought up a lot of questions with me, which I have not been able to answer. While I understand the theological- Scientological truth that Ron had finished his work and moved on, that does not replace for me the desire to know the exact facts of his passing.

I hope you will take this letter and the questions in it in the sincere manner that I am offering it. Having had these questions for 10 years and feeling that I haven't been told what really happened nor that I can even seek to find out without being thought less of, I have come to the point where I have to get the answers so I can move onward in life and up the Bridge. I would really appreciate your help.
Michael Leonard Tilse
Student, AOLA - Sponsor IAS

*End letter*

You reading this may feel that I was being disrespectful. Yet I felt then and feel now that the death of L. Ron Hubbard is an event comparable to the death of Buddha or Jesus Christ and the actual truth of it, the actual Time, Place Form and Event MUST be known and not become a myth or legend. Truth is the truth. I also felt that honest and candid answers to these questions would go a long way toward restoring my confidence in the Church Management, so shaken by the other events I had experienced.

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